That A-Ha moment!

Being a parent is hard work but to me, it is worth every moment of every day.

The one thing I loved about being a mom when my daughter was growing up, were all those moments that I taught her something and got to see that light bulb go on and knew she got it.

One distinct memory I have of my daughter learning something big was the difference between the sun and moon. She was a year and a half and already talking full, complete sentences, potty trained and off the bottle. She knew what she wanted and went for it. The funny thing is that she still does at almost 29.

We had to leave Connecticut as my husband, at the time, got a job back in California. We decided to drive back cross country, which was in itself an amazing trip, and we did it in about 11 days.

We originally were going to drive through the nights so I had day shift and he had night shift but eventually we realized that we were missing out on showing our daughter places we were passing, so we stopped each night after the third night so that we had time to visit places for a short time.

Around 4am in the morning, on our fifth day, we got on the road. It was October and a little chilly but we had our coffees and my daughter had her warm milk in a big tippy cup, as she called it.

She and I were already very close then so it was usual for us to start talking once we got into the car. She was doing her usual, "what's that, momma?" as she pointed to different things we passed after we settled in for the drive of the day. I answered as I looked and if she asked for more info, I gave it to her.

Suddenly, she beamed as she looked to my right and said, "Oh, momma... SUN!" It was getting light out so I looked over and noted that it was the moon she was looking at, so I said, "no, baby doll, that is the moon."

She looked confused because it was getting light out (about 6:30am) and I was not doing our usual game of acknowledging the sun when it was day and the moon when it was night. So she repeated, "sun." I again said, "no, that is the moon." I realized that she only knew them in the context of what I had taught her but she never knew that they were separate planets.

We would go outside in the morning and have our breakfast in the backyard under our tree with the sun overhead or eat dinner under the moon with candles and with the lights in our tree. (We kept the tree covered in white lights year-round as she loved them.)

I noticed that outside the window on her dad's side as he drove, the sun was rising so I pointed it out to her and said, "that is the sun." Immediately, she turned her head towards the sun and her eyes grew wide. She looked over to my side and saw the moon. So she asked very hesitantly while pointing back to the sun... "Sun?"

I answered her, "yes, that is the sun," then pointed to the moon on my side and said, "that is the moon."

She was quiet for a few minutes, kept looking back and forth between the sun and the moon, then I saw that light come on in her eyes.

She suddenly got that there are TWO of them and they had their own names. The sun was out during the day and the moon was out during the night.

Excitedly, she pointed to each and repeated their names several times to be sure she had them right and I acknowledged her each time. She then asked why there was two. I had to make up a story that the sun worked hard all day to keep us bright that it had to go night night so the moon took over but it was not as bright as the sun so we had some dark to go with it.

She looked over to the moon and said, "night night, moon," and fell asleep, content.

As I said, I love being a mom and moments like that made it all worthwhile. I cannot wait to be a grandma and in my daughter and son-in-law's words... it will be soon. Yay for me!

Your Disguise

I fell in love with this song and wanted to share. The lyrics, the music and his voice is just a perfect blend to this song.

It is poignant and shows you softly, the truth about how we all hide behind a disguise to mask our pain.

Below are the lyrics.

Your Disguise

by James Greenspun

Alone in your mind

Waiting for the sun to shine

Alone in your mind

Waiting for the sign that it's time

To break free from the words that hold you down

To escape from the feeling that you are lost and can't be found

Don't hide your face

You cannot erase

The pain that stays in your eyes

Lay down your guard

Show them who you are

Behind your disguise

You run far from home

Think you'll make it on your own

You run fast and slow

But never seem to know where you'll go

To break free from the words that hold you down

To escape from the feeling that you are lost and can't be found

Lost and can't be found

Don't hide your face

You cannot erase

The pain that stays in your eyes

Lay down your guard

Show them who you are

Behind your disguise

Your disguise

Don't hide your face

You cannot erase

The pain that stays in your eyes

Lay down your guard

Show them who you are

Behind your disguise

Behind your disguise

Your disguise

Lesson in Life

Years come and go, as do people. What we get from them are just as important as what we gave. Don't ponder on those. You gave and that is the important part.

Remember the ones that gave unconditionally and are still by your side, as true friends always are. There will always be times when you will hurt a friend but a true friend will be able to face you and talk things through.

"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.' ~Buddha

We need to strive to be the kind of people that we can trust, honor and be loyal to as friends and as humans.

There will always be times when we make mistakes and some times they are big ones. As my friend, Stephen, likes to say, "put your big girl panties on and face the consequences. Apologize if you have hurt someone. Don't wait, do it now." It is true. The more time you wait, the harder it is because you have allowed a chasm to grow and it will take a long damn bridge to cross it when you finally get the guts to apologize. Plus it shows your lack of class when you don't and the biggie... your Karma is at risk of carrying that burden for the rest of your life and then some. "What you do to someone, is returned to you, threefolds." Ouch. Been there, done that.

As we head into the new year and new decade, I hope that you take some time to reflect on life. On the people in it now, the ones you left behind or let go. Before time continues to pass you by, take time and try to make amends to those you have hurt, not for their sake but for your own sake and Karma.

I will tell you this... it is a hard thing to do but once you do, you feel better about the situation and more importantly, about yourself. You gain your own respect for being the person you can be and at the same time, you could perhaps regain the respect of those you hurt. I have so I know and yes, I feel better about myself after I did.

Raise your cup to life, to mistakes and to mending those mistakes. Bright blessings.

Taking Time to Relax

What is your favorite way to relax? In this day and age, what can one do to fully relax?

I took this question to family, friends and even people I met in my classes and at coffee shops... it is something fun to talk about while waiting in line to grab a hot brew.

Here are the top 10 responses I got and I agree with some but didn't agree with others. These are in random order but yes, the last one got the most responses.

Golf
Basketball
Four-wheel driving
Fishing
Hiking
Racing
Yoga
Meditation
Long, warm baths
Sex

I tried golf... ummm... NO! Not relaxing in the least bit but kudos to those of you that find it relaxing. Chasing after balls while holding a long rod is not my kind of fun... ok, ok... not in public, that is.  heh heh heh

Basketball... I played B-ball in high school with a bunch of guys for our intra-mural sports. It does get the blood flowing and you get all sweaty. That can be fun but definitely not relaxing.

Four-wheeling? WTF? Bouncing around in a truck and getting thrown around is not relaxing. Period. Fun? YES? Relaxing? NO!

Fishing was something my mom used to do in Japan to relax. I liked to hang out with her while she did but it was more relaxing to sit on a rock and watch the ocean waves roll in, while I talked to her.

Hiking can have its moments but when you get to the hills and need your staff to get over a rock or hold yourself on a heavy incline, it loses its relaxing momentum.

Racing. I had to agree with this one. We go to Laguna Seca outside of Monterey and fly around the track in our cars. The speed, the concentration and the adrenaline does make it relaxing to me. And it is freaking fun, as well. Yes, I would love to do that often but I live too far and with gas prices, it is now a luxury.

Yoga and meditation are definitely my relaxing tools along with long, warm baths with scented candles, soft music and a good book... or partner; which can lead to the last on my top 10 answers... sex. Ok, so while you are going at it, it can be more exercise than relaxation but once you get to that place and after you have your woo-wee moment; talk about relaxing! LOL!

So, how do you relax?

New Year is Coming!

"Every man has a place... in his heart there's a space... and the world can't erase his fantasies."

Do you have a dream? Are you making it happen? Or are you just sitting around, thinking about it?

Do you really think it is going to happen while you just sit and think about it? You need to put action to your words. It is time, my friends. Time to get off the duff and kick start your dream into reality. Time to take what you have been thinking and making it tangible.  Make it real.

As the new year is almost upon us, I wish you many dreams and goals. I wish you thought with action. I wish you courage to take your life into your hands and get on that path of fulfillment and accomplishment. More than anything, I wish you all much love.

"You will find, other kind, that has been in search of you."

In Memory - 30 Years Later

John Lennon October 9, 1940 - December 8, 1980

"Give peace a chance"

I remember the moment I learned that John Lennon was shot and killed.

I was in college. I had just gotten out of class that evening and was standing in the parking lot talking to a classmate about holiday plans. I was 19, I had two more classes before the end of the semester and in two weeks I would be moving to Connecticut to be with my fiance.

Another classmate yelled out from his car when he had turned on the radio. His exact words were, "oh my God, some fucking asshole killed John Lennon in front of his home in New York City."

We all ran over to his car and huddle around, listening to the radio DJ tell us how it happened. Imagine started and when John's voice came on, it was that moment we knew and people started to cry. A great musician had died and a legend was born.

I wasn't a huge Beatles fan but I like their music. When John Lennon went on his own, that is when I became a fan of his. First and foremost, his wife looked like my mom back then but they still do, actually. The women are both Japanese and grew up in the same area. To me, his music was spiritual, telling stories of life lived wrong, right, up, down and all around. I like that. Sure, there are songs that I thought were just ok but then there were songs that I absolutely love. I think it is that way with all musicians I listen to.

You always thought the great ones would live but history always tells us the opposite. So, we lost another great musician before his time.

I always liked this song but the way this video was made, it added something and the end, what he says, it hits ya.

Rest in peace, John Lennon and thank you for all the wonderful music. We have missed more of the music you could have given us for the past 30 years but the gifts you gave us lives on.

The Matrix… Real or Not

Do you ever think about your life? How it is? Where it is going? How and when it will end? How the choices you made in the past that got you where you are today? How sometimes it feels like it is out of your control and “someone” else is manipulating it? What if it was that way? Would it make you feel better to know that someone or something else made those mistakes on your life?

The Matrix series is a huge favorite because of its foundation is based on two things that I love; spirituality and technology. It delves into our fears of many things and levels and on being completely reliant to AI… artificial intelligence.

I remember when that movie came out. I was blown away. The names used were from mythology; the story line is based on our fears of nuclear holocaust yet it was not against another country but humanity versus technology that “ended” the world as we know in the movie.

After we watched the movie, my daughter and I went to a local coffee shop and talked about it for a couple hours. How much of our lives are intertwined with technology? How we take it all for granted. It seems our whole lives are meshed together and sometimes, it becomes like an extension of us.

I was sick recently with a cold so to keep myself in bed and resting, I decided to watch the whole series in a row since I have the movies and I had never done that. It was pretty intense to have your mind in that mode for over 6 ½ hours. I wrote a poem about it recently but it nags at me. The “what ifs?” The big one being, what if it is that way?

It made me think how reliant I am on technology. I can set my coffee maker to brew me a pot of coffee at a specific time every morning. When I walk into my kitchen, all I have to do is grab a cup and pour. I can set my crock pot to cook all day while I am at work so when I get home, all I have to do is grab a plate and scoop out a serving and eat.

I use my iPhone for everything from making my shopping list, banking (my bank app), playing games, reading emails and keeping in touch with my family and friends via text messages, phone calls or even the Facebook app. I get my daily Zen quote on my iPhone through an app. I am even writing this blog through an app and posting. The ways you can use that one device is astounding but we don’t think of it that way. It just is. It makes life convenient and simple. We can’t remember the day it took over our lives but now we realize we cannot live without it. It being technology.

It’s in our cars, works, schools, stores and in our homes. There is nothing we use that cannot be plugged into an electrical outlet because first and foremost, technology is reliant on electricity.

The downside to technology? Cutting of jobs because if a robot can do it, then why have people in the jobs? They are making cars we drive, they can make and bake the cookies in bulk, they can even do some simple surgeries to save our lives.

So now that it is in front of you, how reliant are you on technology and do you see that movie becoming reality, some day down the road?

It does make you think, does it not?

Food Glorious Food

I think the picture says how our festive day was and that was only the one of the three spreads we had in the house.

Hope you all had a great one and having time to relaxing after chowing down on all that yummy food.  Can't wait for Christmas as in our family it is an all out seafood and steak feast. And let me tell you, when I say seafood, I mean shrimp cocktail, baked lobster, oysters on a half shell, steamed dungeness crab, salmon, halibut and talapia. Want to come join our feast?

Wishing you all the best of the season. It is beginning to look and feel like Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving

I wanted to take this time to wish you all a very special Thanksgiving. I hope you are able to spend it with loved ones with abundance of laughter, love and happiness.

This is the time of year we acknowledge our gratitude for everything we have in our lives; the roofs over our heads, the food we have to eat, the jobs we can go to every day and most important, the people we care for and love. In this day and age, it is with gratitude that we need to live our lives so that abundance continues to flow to us.

My sincere wish is that it continues for each of you and may you step forward each day in a positive and grateful attitude so that it affects everyone around you to be the same.

I am so grateful and extremely blessed for having the most wonderful people in my life, including each and every one of you who take the time to read my blog, send me feedback and give me ideas to blog about. I have so many topics to blog about that I have yet to get to them but I will with your support and input.

Remember:

"Happy people do not have everything but they make the best of everything they have."

As always, I am humbled by your light. Let it shine! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Dear Santa

Do you remember when we were little and we wrote letters to Santa, asking for a certain toy or game and telling him how good we were?

A couple weeks ago, the band, their significant others, some of the sound techs, Tony and I were hanging out after their recording session, drinking and talking about the kind of letters we wrote because I got teased for being a HUGE advocate for Christmas and how I was already listening to the music. It was a good time as we told one another what we wanted and there was definitely a lot of laughter that night into the morning.

A few friends and I are throwing a Christmas party at a friend’s lounge in a month and from that conversation I had an idea for our guests. In the invitation, we let everyone know that they need to bring their letter to Santa and we would be having a bon fire later that night at a park and would burn the letters unopened, so that it can be “taken” into the Universe.

My idea here is that you all write one as well and send it out into the Universe, whether it be burning into the sky or burying it into the ground. If you want to send anonymous via postal service, that works, too. Years ago, I used to work for the United States Postal Services and this time of year, we would get tons of letters from kids and yes, they have a department that takes in all the letters and answers them as well.

It might seem a bit childish but it also serves a purpose. To let our true feelings out, become that child again or if you weren’t given a chance to be a kid, you are given that chance now. Just pick up a pen and a pad of paper and start writing. You will be amazed how good you feel afterwards. And ask for the world, if you want!

Wishing you the best Christmas you have had thus far.

Do Something for Your Community

The holiday season is upon us and every year I try to do something in my community to help out.

There are so many who are not as fortunate as we are and are in need of food, clothes and shelter.

When you have a moment, go through your clothes and see what you can donate that is still in good shape but you never wear.

Go to a soup kitchen and volunteer when you have a free day instead of going for coffee, shopping or just doing nothing.

If you can afford, donate a little bit of cash to a shelter, that takes in people, to help subsidize their income.

Every little helps and each person can do a little something.

Namaste

Spiritual Sites

Connecting with sacred sites all over the world allows us to access its energy or power, if we don't have a chance to visit. It's the same principle as it we were to build an altar to those sites to acknowledge a God, Buddha or whatever Deity you worship.

There have been many known sites all over the world where miracles happen that cannot be explained so eventually they becomes sites for people to visit so they can tap into its power.

I think because as human, we crave to know the unknown, these sites become havens for us to rely on. Some draw hope from it for their loved ones who may be ill whilest others use the energy for meditation and healing for themselves.

It is believed that if you can tap into these sites, we can pull the wisdom buried deep inside the Universe. As if they become a faucet that we tap into and drink from, to gain knowledge about life and our purpose on this plane.

The most noteable is Stonehenge, but there have been discoveries of places filled with heavy energies like the Iron Age fogou caves of Cornwall, England or the pyramids of Meroe in the Sudan.

As much as we would like to have these hallowed sites to exist in remote or exotice places, there are many easily accessible lesser-known sites that can be quite stunning to experience.

I heard of a place called Serpent Mound in Ohio that was thought to be created by the ancient Adena peoples nearly 1,000 years ago to align with the summer and winter solstices, kind of like Stonehedge. No one knows for sure why it is known as a sacred site but people could feel the energy from the place flow into them.

I had one experience in Northern California in the Santa Cruz mountains. The place is called the Mystery Spot and you can feel a strong energy flow into you from your feet up. They have a couple boards that are laid out in an incline and if you were to take a ball and put it at the bottom of the board, it would actually move up the board to the top. Reverse gravity, I think. I know that I tried to meditate there once and it was extremely hard to concentrate with that energy pouring into you.  But I guess it could be considered another sacred site.

There are many reasons why we feel that certain sites call to us and I think we can use the calling to tap into its energy to align ourselves with the Universe. Whatever reason you need, it is a good time to sit and think about those places and feel how you can connect to it and it to you.

Personally, I love to go to parks and sit under an old tree and feel the energy flow through me while I relax, people watch, read and meditate. That is a sacred experience to me.

I was taken to one place in Connecticut, called the Fox Hill Tower about a 1 & 1/2 years ago. It was amazing. So whenever I am in Connecticut, it has become a stop for me to visit, sit by the edge of the hill or go into the tower itself and look out over the valley and breath in its view. It is breathtaking, soothing and healing all at once so I thank the person for showing me that special place that has become another sacred site to me in Connecticut.

May you find your peace within so that you can pour that peace out into the world.

Namaste

Mindfulness

People always wonder what mindfulness means and I think that if you ask 5 people, you would get 5 different answers.

This is strictly my opinion from my learnings growing up in Japan, learning about daily routines of the Japanese people and their lives, including my mom.

In the 1970's, clinical psychologists/psychiatrists "created," and I use the term loosely, techniques for people to use to calm the stresses in their lives, to understand the world around them and dim the depression that people feel by giving them a different way to cope with their feelings and thoughts. In the new era, they are handing out prescriptions for anti-depressants like candy, which I don't agree with. You are not handling the problem but masking it.

Within the Buddhist religion, the so-called techniques go back centuries and have much more deeper meanings.  What we know of as meditation is first and foremost used.

The way it is define in psychology books is as "a non-judgmental awareness of our present, in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that comes up is given acknowledgement and accepted as is."  In simple terms, "It is what it is." It's funny but I say that all the time so my friends have coined it as "my quote."

What does that mean, though? Say you feel sad. You know the feeling. You feel it in your head, your heart and in your body. It is there so you accept it. There is nothing to change about it because it is ok to feel that way.  But you don't act on it. What I mean is, if you are sad, it is ok to cry, to step back and pull away so you can go through the emotions and to feel it but you once it is done, don't alienate yourself from others because of it.

It is being aligned with yourself. Knowing how you feel and letting it come through without guilt, which unfortunately is something that was taught to us over the years. We have to be happy. We cannot show our sadness because it is a weakness. How wrong we have been all these years to do that to humanity. We have so many who are taught that and each year, depression becomes the highest form of illness in people.

Without our minds, our bodies wither away.

I grew up knowing a certain type of Zen. It was practiced by everyone in Japan without being attached to a religion because believe it or not, 35% of Japanese are Catholics but still practice Zen within their daily lives. I never knew the full name until recently when I came across an article about it; Bompu Zen.

Philip Kapleau, who was a teacher of Zen Buddhist explains that "Bompu Zen, being free from any philosophy or religious content, is for anybody and everybody. It is a Zen practiced purely in the belief that it can improve both physical and mental health. Since it can almost certainly have no ill effects, anyone can undertake it, whatever religious beliefs they happen to hold or if they hold none at all. Bompu Zen is bound to eliminate sickness of a psychosomatic nature and to improve the health generally."

Therefore, it is good for those who have mental issues with depression and other mind related illnesses or stress.

Have you ever taken the time to really feel an emotion? Let it take you over completely and you swim in it. It is hard to come out of it when you are completely inundated with it. But you know that once it is over, it will let you go and you can feel better.

Let me digress for a little bit.

This is a simple explanation and by no means a way to diagnose yourself but depression starts when you feel an emotion, one you don't want to face and don't let it loose. You push it down and it settles. Again, something else happens, the emotion is bottled down on top of the other one and it starts to grow but it has not caught you yet. Now imagine you go years with this... it finally catches up to you and all those emotions you have had inside, come tumbling out but you cannot control it and it overtakes your mind. Depression starts.

You feel out of control. You feel lost. You feel like you are drowning. What do most of us do? Cover it by drinking too much. Doing drugs that numb you. Eating too much and other behaviors that cover it all. Unfortunately, they are all temporary solutions. Eventually it takes over and you go down and when you do, it is with a BANG.

It hurts like hell when you finally come face to face with all those emotions you kept bottled inside and you can only lie there in a ball as your heart and mind are ripped to shreds and weep uncontrollably. At that point, you have clarity and it becomes an awakening you don't want to see but ultimately you have to face, which is hard because as you face them, you also come to the realization of all the people you hurt and all the things you said and did without meaning, that you now have to own. That is a hard place to be when you finally awaken.

The other side is that you never see because it ends in death. People say things like, "they took the easy way out."  How would they know and is it really? Have you tried to kill yourself? It is hard. Your instinct to survive kicks in and it stops you. How can I say that? I was in a deep depression once and tried. It was an experience I will never try again but I know how close I was to that edge and it scared the hell out of me. Either way, this is one topic we cannot discuss accurately because no one who has died has come back to tell us. But it was a choice they made and did. It is what it is.

Ok, back to mindfulness.

Another thing about it. It is about being connected to people but not being attached to them. Yes, there is a difference.

Our energies are all connected. I know some hate to think that way but we are ultimately, a collective energy source of the Universe. I am not here to convince you or to make you think my way, but that is just what I believe.

Let me give you a couple examples. My mom is very intuitive and on many occasions, she would call and and we would chat but on some occasions, she would just come out and say, what is going on? I feel something from you. I could be sad, angry or not feeling and she would just know and call.

Another experience I had with being connected to someone was I was driving home from grocery shopping a couple years ago and I felt this overwhelming sadness from out of nowhere when I was in a very good mood. I had this feeling that I had to get home quickly because I was going to get a phone call. The moment I stepped into my place, my cell phone rang and his voice came on. I could tell immediately he was not in a good place by his voice. We talked for hours and at the end, before we hung up, he said, "thank you for being there for me. I rushed home today because I was feeling really sad and needed to hear your voice. I just needed to talk to you." That is when I knew it was his energy calling to me while I was driving. I had that strong connection with him a lot of times while I knew him.

We can be connected to certain people more strongly but we don't need to become attached to them. That is another part of mindfulness. Being connected but not attached allows for each of us to grow, expand and change. With the connection, it allows you to accept that in everyone. If we get attached, what happens is that we don't want change or if we do, we want it to be our way, not theirs. There is a danger to that and ultimately, it ends a lot of relationships or friendships.

Ok, I think I went on enough that you know a little about what it is. You can make your own decision and research it more on your own or send me an email and we can talk about your view so that I can expand my knowledge.

Here are some exercises that you can do to promote mindfulness:

Meditation

This one is a hard one to start because your mind likes to wander, especially if it is the type to overwork itself. I am guilty of that at times. Taking the time to empty your mind, allows the emotions to recheck themselves, gives your mind the time to adjust to handle them.  Start with 5 minutes a day and continue to increase the time you meditate until you get to an hour a day. You will find that your day is easier to handle and nothing gets you down.

Deep Breathing
Taking time to stop and breath in deep, gives you time to step back and re-adjust your thinking. To do this, you just sit in a quiet place or even if you cannot find a quiet place at work, go into your car and do it. Sit tall, hands on your lap and breath in deep and slow and hold for 5 seconds. Breath out slowly. Breath in slow and deep again and continue. Do this for 5 minutes and you will find that it has calmed you and your mind. Doing this from time to time during the day, keeps you stress free.

Music
This one is hard because we all have different taste in music but one way to re-adjust your thinking is changing the kind of music you listen to. If you are in a melancholy mood, it is ok to listen to that type of music, if it gets you through that moment but if it adds to the mood, change it to upbeat, danceable music to allow your mind to change its thinking. One music I find helps a lot of people is classical as it had no lyrics and you can flow with it.

Cleaning
Oh, yeah. Cleaning house can change how you feel. If you start off feeling blue, you start to clean and at the end, you look around and you are surrounded by a nice environment, it uplifts you and gives you a better feeling inside. You accomplished something so that will help to change your thought process as well.

Feel Your Thoughts
When it hits you, allow it to come through. If it is sadness, let the tears flow. If you are upset or angry, allow it to vent. Once it has come through, think about it constructively, accept that it happened and then let it go. There are times we have to hold it in when you are around people but once you are alone, it is good for you to let it out and have its way. That way you can face it and allow it to go.

Choice
One more thing... choose how you think. This is a huge step in mindfulness. You choose how your day will be. There are a couple quote that I like. One is by Abraham Lincoln. "People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be." The other author is unknown but the quote is, "Change your mind, change your attitude." You have the power to choose your thoughts and change your mind. Another good quote... "Attitude is everything!"

Well, now that I got you snoozing, I will close by saying, I hope that if you feel blue a lot of times, you take the time to seek someone to talk to. Don't try to do this on your own. It helps to get it out and to let your mind be cleared off negative thoughts.

Once you own your past, remember that you may have hurt people and you need to go back and redeem yourself. That was a hard thing for me to do but once I finished, a great weight lifted each time with each person. I am a better friend to them now than I was then and it made me better for the experience as I am sure it will for you as well.

As always, I am truly humbled by your light.

Being Single

I was deeply in love once. The do-anything and die-for-you love. I tried hard to let go but it kept a hold on me for a long while; but thinking of all that was said, I have finally let go of it.

I didn’t like that I needed to hear his voice. I didn’t like that he had great thoughts, ideas, jokes or good taste in music. I didn’t like that I needed to hear him sing his songs. I didn’t like that I needed to be with him.

It sucked being in love that deep especially when he didn’t care at all for me. Yes, he straight out told me. He was in it for the fun.

So when I was finally able to take off the rose-colored glasses, I realized that I like being single. I like coming home and not worrying about someone to take care of. I like that I can do and say what I please. I like that I don’t have to tell them where I am going.

I like that I have my sanity back.

Wonderful Time of the Year

I love this time of year! And yes, I am one of those that is already listening to Christmas music and enjoying the excitement that comes every holiday season. I even have my signature holiday necklace on so my friends are shaking their heads in mirth. My sparkly snowflake! Hee hee!

I mean, aren’t we basically already in the season now that Halloween is over? I have a lot of gatherings that I have been invited to and since December is so busy, most people have started them now in November. It’s a way to expand the fun and enjoy more of the season. A time when family and friends are converging together, making memories and enjoying each others’ company.

Only way to make it better is to have snow and a fireplace but that will be next holiday season as I should be settle in Connecticut. I mean I will be there soon but the holidays will be over so it won’t be the same.

I think I love this time of year so much is because how people change a bit to be kinder, gentler and friendlier; more willing to help others and be more open. That excitement and the feelings we had as kids, returns as we are reminded that Santa is watching out for the naughty or nice kids. But remember, nice with a little naughty is very good… ha-ha!

I wish I could bottle up the feelings of the season and pass it out when it is in the middle of the summer and tempers are at a boiling point, weather and people-wise. I think people fall into a rhythm of nature and mimic it. Kind of like, hot weather, hot tempers; cold weather, cooler temperaments.

I hope that you can be filled with the energy of this time of year. Enjoy as you watch kids as their eyes light up with anticipation. Take that feeling with you every day as you go about your business. Pass that feeling on and see how it can change another person’s perspective of the day. Smile at someone and show them they matter. You don’t know how you, one person, can affect another life.

Did you know that the holiday season is the number one time when people commit suicide because if they are alone, feel lonely and feel they don’t have anyone or anywhere to turn, it seems to be the viable way out of their misery? Can you imagine if your smile to one person that was feeling that way in that moment, changed how they felt, could affect the outcome of their life? It is something to ponder.

One thing I am doing is changing how my nieces and nephew think of the Christmas. They always think presents, presents and more presents but they have so much that they are on material overload. This year, I am spending a day with each one individually to give them my time and focus on them on their day. We are doing an activity and lunch of their choice rather than buying a toy they won’t use after a few days. It gives them a chance to see another way to spend the holidays besides opening presents.

My oldest niece, who is 9, wants to go with me to volunteer at a soup kitchen for the homeless at Thanksgiving. I am glad that we talk all the time about what we can do to make a difference in the world. Even though she is too young, as I believe she has to be 12, the mere fact that she wants to do it, means a lot. My little Gemini, she is so precious. We are very close and have some pretty intense conversations, even at her age. She amazes me with her generous heart and soul, her gentleness with people and her amazing light that shines out of her. It is never too early to teach kids about spirituality. She loves to talk about it and even at her young age, the things that she thinks about and shares is a learning experience for me.

I hope that each day is filled with light and love and you are in a place to enjoy the moments with family and friends with abundance and joy.

Now before you leave, take time to think of how you can make your holiday season the best ever, not just for others but for you!

It IS the most wonderful time of the year!  YAY!!!

I am truly blessed to have you all in my life, even though I don't know you all personally, I am very grateful you stop and read my blog. If I can make a tiny difference in one person's life, it does my soul good.

My cup runneth over.

Now go out and enjoy the season and pass on the light!

Garden of Life

It’s funny how I get into conversations with friends and we start to compare our friends and family to nature, more specifically, plants, flowers or trees. I found that as we talk more, we are like a huge garden that is planted, grown, nurtured and ultimately dies and the cycle continues. There are so many different types of plants, flowers and trees that we can compare to people to.

There are the dangerous types like poison ivy or poison oak that can be toxic, hurt you, make you itch and give you a really bad rash. There are those clinging vines that are just that; they are clingy, always in your business and you can't get rid of them.

You have those who are like huge oak trees; they are steadfast, reliable, always strong and supportive. There are the willow tree that protect you from life’s harshness as it hang over you as you sit under it protection. The tall redwoods that stand solid and stoic without budging.

Then there are the flowers in our garden that are beautiful to look at but some have thorns that hurt us but protects them. The ones that have a nice scent but may not be the most beautiful. The ones that are pretty, simple and just used as adornments. Or the flowers that are pretty but can be eaten so they are useful.

Do you know people that fit any of what was described?  I came up with this list with a handful of friends over a couple bottles of wine.  The conversation was animated, insightful yet fun to think of who is what, but not in a mean way, which was not our intention in the least.

I said it myself; I used to be kind of the clingy vine with roses that stuck her thorn inside you if you got to close. I think of myself now as more of a carnation. Pretty to look at, useful for different events but not overstated or understated. I think that is me. I don't need the limelight like a lot of other people I know. I am not really comfortable in it but I can hold my own if I have to be in it. I dress down and dress up well either way so whatever the mood or circumstances, I am pretty much dressed appropriately; just like a carnation on a mantel at home or at a birthday, wedding or a funeral.

Think of different plants and put your spin on what you think you are. Would love to hear your take on this topic and you can post a comment anonymously if you want, in case you didn't know.

As always, the light in me honors the light in you.

Life Goes On...

Sometimes, you can't write how you feel but you stumble across a beautiful song and it says it all for you. This song absolutely gives me chills. The lyrics are powerful so have a listen.

"Heaven's waiting... it's time to move on..."

Those two lines speak to me... Yeah, that kind of day for some realization.

Namaste

Religion and Life

I grew up with a father who was not religious and didn't have a strong base in what was beyond death. You lived and you died was the way he saw it. My dad grew up in a very dysfunctional family with alcoholic parents who saw religion differently. My grandfather was Protestant and my grandmother was Catholic. Beat your kids but go to church and God forgives your sins for the week. Not a good way to see life or be in it, for that matter.

My mother, on the other hand, is strong in her Buddhist religion but in a very spiritual way. Growing up during World War II affected her way of thinking, how she was treated and how she treated those around her. It made her kinder and gentle as she saw the devastation as a young child and she took that with her as she grew up into adulthood. She will be the first to admit that there was a period in her early adult life that she let religion go and material things became important but she realized in time that what was inside her heart and soul, how she lived her life was more important than what she owned. She said it was a good experience to go through so that she can speak from it.

She is an amazing woman and people love being around her. I don't say this because she's my mom but because people love how they feel around her. They tell me this all the time. My friends always tell me how much they love her and how lucky I am to have her in my life. She is kind, calm, caring, affectionate and at peace with herself and life so it extends out to those she encounters. She is stopped many times because people look into her eyes and are drawn in by the peace they see. She is a true Buddhist.

I have learned a lot from her the past ten years as I have stopped being ignorant about my surroundings and more aware of life in general and globally.

I grew up with multiple religions around me but with no true guide or teacher to give me the information as to what path I could walk. I turned to Wicca because it came close to what I believed as a 13 year old. The old adage "watch what you ask for" definitely was what I should have done but I met a witch who took me on the path to open my eyes to not just Wicca but all religions. It was easy to fall into it as it, like Buddhism, it is a pagan as well as a nature-based religion.

She taught me to keep my mind open as she knew I had a background in Buddhism and she noticed that I tend to use that in some of my every day living. Mom's influence, for sure. She told me to study all the religions and ask questions of their leaders. So I did.

I read the Holy Bible cover to cover several times and spoke to priests. I read the Torah, Koran and other holy books and literature and spoke to rabbis, ministers and preachers. By the time I finished what I thought was my learning of religions, I was in my mid 20's and life changed. I stopped religion for a while and concentrated on keeping my marriage working. That ended up being a bust and I got into the music business and went a different route with heavy drinking and partying. It became a way to hide what was inside of me; failed marriage, dead end job, selling my house and other hosts of issues I didn't want to face.

Then I got the shock of my life... a 23 year-old kid, high on a mixture of drugs, wanted to go backstage to meet one of the acts and was stopped at the back door. He had gotten his 4-inch Swiss Army knife into the show and was angry for being stopped so he pulled it out and threatened a co-worker who was at the door working. A friend who worked in production, Victor, happen to come out and saw what was going on, stepped in to help her. The kid and he struggled with the knife but Victor lost his footing, the kid had pinned him to the floor and started to thrust the knife into his chest. By the time another co-worker had gotten there, Victor was stabbed 44 times in the heart. He did not survive and died on the operating table. The kid is now spending the rest of his life in prison. That was 13 years ago.

It was a wake up call that I needed desperately and I got my head out of my ass and got out of the business. What kind of role model was I to my daughter? Hypocrite didn't even start to say how I felt. When she was older, she and I had a heart to heart and I told her of those days. She never knew because she said I always treated her as the most important thing in my life. She always was and always will be and I am grateful that I didn't destroy that.

I had continued to call myself Wiccan but when I came back to religion but it was more in a spiritual way. I found that Wicca was too dogmatic. What I realized was that I believed more in what is now being called Oneness, with a huge portion of it being Buddhist driven.

As I teach spirituality to kids now, I ask each one of them to bring their ideas and ideals to the table so that we can talk about it. It seems a lot of kids really like the concept of Buddhism these days. It is about peace inside and out. As I was taught, I am asking them to be open minded and read about other religions and take in only the things that make sense to them and leave the other stuff out. If you don't believe it, why incorporate it into your life? The bottom line is that how we treat ourselves and others is the most important.

Now, let me just say this. As much as we need to show compassion to ourselves and others, we don't need toxic people in our lives who talk a good talk but use people for their own end and don't walk the walk. Show them compassion by letting them find their own way and letting them go. It is good for your soul and your Karma not to get further involved in their drama or ill ways. They will never get it, if you continue to enabled them to be the way they are.

One component in all the religions is the afterlife. I think a lot of religions are too dogmatic and people are told if they don't believe a certain way within a religion, they won't go to Heaven. I think if you treat others well, show kindness and compassion and stand by your words, in the end, you lived a good life. I knew someone who didn't really believe in a God, per say or in the afterlife. He thought when we died, we went into a "forever sleep" as he called it. Great concept but I would like to believe that there is more to life than an abrupt end or sleep.

I believe in reincarnation and Buddhism is one religion that follows that dogma. Another factor I love about Buddhim is it allows for humans to make mistakes but you also need to know that you pay a price for the mistakes, which we all know as Karma or in a way for people to understand... what goes around, comes around. If you wish ill will towards someone, in the end, it will come back to you. In Wicca, it is believed that when it does return, good or bad, it is three times of what it was when sent out. That being said, I wish you all lots of love, happiness, laughter and light.

And a Japanese Buddhist prayer to you all...

なみょほれんげきょ (nahm-myo-hoe-ren-gay-kyo)

As always, the light in me honors the light in you.

A Moment Captured

I was having breakfast with my best friend, Kris, on Friday and we got talking about the weather for the weekend. Looking up, the sky was sort of overcast but the sun was shining down on us, though the breeze was very cool, so we figured the storm was going to pass us over and we would miss out on more rain, which we both love.

We like to sit outside in the cafe's patio when we meet and watch the world move around us. It is interesting and enlightening to people watch while we sip at our coffees, eat breakfast and chat. Plus, we get a chance to see friends and acquaintances pass by as well.

It was getting on in the morning and she had to get to her therapy for her foot so she took off.  I sat back to finish my coffee when I looked up and noticed how the clouds were slowly twirling around the sun. What a great shot it would have been had I had my really nice camera rather than the one on my iPhone but took the picture anyway. What a surprise to find that it caught the moment perfectly so immediately, I had to post to my Facebook to share as I thought it was beautiful. I got so many wonderful reactions to it.

As it happens in life, sometimes we are in the right place at the right time to see the things we need to take in. It definitely made my weekend to see that and then capturing it perfectly so that I would remember that moment in life.

I am grateful to have caught that moment to remind me of how beautiful life really is.

Namaste

Therapeutic Halloween

It is that time of year that adults can revert back to being a kid and get dressed up with a fun place to go party.

I read an article recently in the American Journal of Psychology about how people age. It said that adults who don't take time to play age faster than those who do. They don't mean sports, going to the gym or playing music but playing in the park with your kids, kick ball, running around silly or just flying a kite kind of play; watching cartoons, playing silly or funny board games.

I thought, great, I am on the right track. I still do all that even though my daughter is all grown up and married. Luckily, I have three nieces and a nephew to use as a cover. Hahahaha! Yeah, even my mom calls me the silly, crazy auntie but in an affectionate way. Hey, I got it from her so she gets the concept.

My mom is going to be 77 in December but she still walks tall (for a "short shit" as my dad used to call her), has a sharp mind, drives all the time, goes out with her friends, plays with the grandkids and travels all over the world so having that attitude has helped her to extend her life and not be bedridden or in need of a walker to get around.

So as adults we take one holiday and use that to the fullest, then what? It's done until the next year. What if we took that attitude of the one day and incorporated into our lives all the time and do the good fun as kids do to keep young? How we will slow the aging process and do things that are important for longevity. Enjoy and be intrigued by the little things in life, like bugs and watching bubbles pop, giggle and making silly faces, and most important, laugh all the time.

Think about it as you get dressed up tonight and enjoy your evening. It's a fun feeling to have so why not have it all the time?

Namaste

Ah... Musical Memories...

There are two songs that keep coming back to me and takes me back to my early 20's.

First song is Hold On by one of my favorite bands, Santana.  The song was released August 1982 and as much as I loved the album, this song kept playing in my head. I played it so much that I know I was driving my friends crazy. LOL! Being that I grew up in Santana's backyard, outside of San Francisco, naturally I heard a lot of them on local radio stations in high school.

I lived in Connecticut when the song came out, but it wasn't a huge deal being a Santana fan there. I managed to convert a few friends with my Black Magic Woman ways. Hahahaha! My husband, at the time, was not a big fan but he liked music almost as much as I did, so he listened to it.

The song got to me because it was about finally having someone getting through to you with their love, you finally get to know what love really is but too late as the person is gone. It is about not letting love go and holding on for another chance to make things right.

The irony was that I was married a year, already wondering if I had made the right choice. I was not sure I was in love with him, though I cared deeply for him. Was it enough? I guess the song hit a cord within me.

This is in the Top 5 of favorite Santana songs... my favorite?  Europa (Earth's Cry, Heaven's Smile).




Second song is Every Breath You Take by The Police. Remember when the song came out? I do. It was 1983, I was 22 years old and still listening to Hold On by Santana.

It was, quite possibly, my all time favorite song for the next 5 years. Weird how it still has the power to grab a hold of me and remind me of the first time I heard it and how it made me feel. I am sure there were others who loved this song as much as I did. But to me, it was an intimate experience listening to the song. Still is, actually.

I heard the song driving to work and it took my breath away. I had to go buy it. I got home and played it all the way through once. Then that song got played over and over, so you can imagine my poor husband back then. I remember him shaking his head as he picked up his harmonica and going down to the basement to practice with his buddies. I fell in love with the stand up bass then and there.

For me, even though I was married, it conjured the man that I dreamed I would married when I was growing up. He would love me no matter what and would desperately need me to be with him. It was him singing those words to me. Yeah, he would be a stalker of mine. LOL!

"Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you."

Namaste.

Nature Talks to Us

Have you ever asked a question and somehow an answer just pops into your head? It reminds me of the line from an old song... "the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind." Do you believe that Nature can talk to us? Like the wind?

Our thoughts, dreams, ideals and ideas are carried out, with our inner and outer voices, into the Universe, knowing it will be taken to its perfect destination to be manifested.

We can connect ourselves to a force of nature by focusing on the element of air during a wind meditation. We begin by centering ourselves on our breath. We inhale air, which is a life-giving force, feeling it fill our lungs and then releasing the air it into the world to let our breath mingle with the breath of nature and of others. No wonder we are connected. We breath in and out each other's energy.

If you can't feel the wind right now, you can use your mind to conjure times when the wind caressed your cheek, ruffled your hair or clothes.

We can remember the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves of a tree or when laughter was brought to your ears.

We can remember seeing the wind take a leaf and pushing to and fro until it landed on the ground.

The smell of an ocean breeze or the aroma of baking bread can remind us of how powerful the wind is.

As we recall how our senses are touched by the wind, we can feel its force surround us, calm us or even cool us. In its way, it is speaking to us.

Take that time to breath in, meditate and listen to Nature speak. It might be bringing you an important message that you need to hear.

As always, the light in me honors the light in you.

Midnight Margaritas

Since it is midnight, I thought I would leave you with this... from the movie, Practical Magic... yes, from this Buddhist Witch to you wonderful, beautiful and amazing people, thank you so much for all your emails supporting me through my journey. I am honored that you read my blog and give me such beautiful feedback.

My Friday off and I think I hear the blender going, so bright blessings, my friends.

Families

This time of year, I get nostalgic and start to watch a lot of holiday films and listen to holiday music (yes, I do) but recently, as I have been catching up on movies I have missed out on, I have been watching a lot of movies that feature families.

Rachel's Getting Married, Home for the Holidays, Nothing Like the Holidays and Tortilla Soup are some that feature different families and styles with all their drama, issues, madness, lies, secrets and other things that go hand in hand with being in a family including hate and of course, love.

After watching them, I talked to my friends about growing up in their families and how it was for them. At first, they were nice about them but as the wine poured at a dinner at one friend's place, the truths came out and I got to see that other side of them.

Some were ashamed of their families; some didn't care; others loved their families but it was a hard road getting there. I am the latter. I love my family but it took years for me to really understand the dynamics and to finally get it.

Being brought up the way I was and with the parents I had, as much as I had it easy, it was also hard. I knew some of my mom's history but not much of my dad's until he passed 5 years ago. He kept that part of him from my sisters and I so it was with shock, hurt and sadness that we knew how he grew up and why he was the way he was.

First of all, my father never laid a hand on any of his girls. He disciplined us but never spanked or hit us. After he passed, I found that he and his brothers were beaten by their alcoholic dad growing up and he left as soon as he was 18. He vowed to himself and my mom that he would never be that way. He never was. Now, mom on the other hand, didn't have a problem with spanking us. LOL! And I will tell you this... I was a handful, to say the least and I got it more times than my sisters did together. I was a rough and tumble girl and in a way, loved to push the limits and her buttons. I knew how to piss off my mom easily and did it often as a child and a teen.

Was I proud of that? Can't say I was now as I look back but it had its purpose and my mom respects me the most because I tested life, I rebelled and I learned to lived it fully as a young kid. I had no fear and would try anything.

Caution came into place after I got divorced and realized that I alone would have to raise my daughter because her dad was a jackass (and I say this fondly as we are friends now). But I still hadn't grown up yet and sometimes, I think I haven't even now. But I am good with that part of me as I know that it makes me different than others and my friends appreciate that part of me that can still look at life in wonder, at its splendor.

Families. We are born into them. We don't have a decision on that. But we meet people in our lives that become family to us. Friends who know you as you are and accept you nonetheless. They love you for your quirks, your craziness, your stubborn nature and even with all your faults, they see your infinite good and they see your pain and are there to comfort you. I have a handful who are like that to me; they are my family and I am so honored that they are in my life. And I tell them all the time that I love them.

Families are what bonds us to the Universe because in a way, we are all brothers and sisters going through this crazy journey we call life. We need them and they need us. We get each other through every day and in the end, it doesn't matter how much money or material things they or you have, it is how much of their time and love you were given and how much you gave, that counts.

Namaste.