2012

Here we go, headed into the new year. Have you had time to review 2011? The ups and the downs? The funny and the sad? The weird and the norm?

What made an impact on you this year? How will it change you for the new year? What are you doing to make an impact on lives around you?

Life takes many twists and turns on our journey and it is in those that we find the unique, the interesting, the crazy, the adventures.

Stop today and think of all that you can do to reach your dreams. Write them down and follow through.

Don't think of it as the end, but as a new beginning! Wishing you all a bright and wonderful 2012. Happy New Year!

Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Yay! I can officially started decorating for my favorite holiday!

Not like I haven't been listening to carols and singing along to them for the last few months but now everyone else has finally caught up with me. LOL!

What is your favorite things during the holiday season? Mine is just about everything. The decorations; snow and the cold weather (that is why I moved back to CT, folks), the feeling you get, seeing people treat one another in a kinder, more compassionate way.

I'm not a huge fan of getting presents but love making things and giving them. I guess that is why I love to sew, crochet and knit. I love to create items that can be most used during this time but also make a lot of shawls that can be used spring or fall. Those seem to be my best sellers, actually.

Whatever you are doing this holiday season, make it fun, filled with laughter and much love! All the best of the season to you today and always.

How Time Passes...

Wow! I haven't been consistent in posting the last few months. Hope you all have been doing well and enjoyed your summer. What a hot one it was here!

Can you believe it is already the end of the year and we are heading into the mysterious 2012? We had a freak snow storm a couple days before Halloween and it left us with 12-17 inches of snow all over New England. There is still a lot of snow that is melting even now, almost two weeks later. I don't recall it ever snowing this early when I lived out here years and years ago. I was told it was not the usual so does that mean another crazy winter for New England like last winter? Yikes!

I have been so busy with work, writing my book, editing a novel for someone, working out and hanging with friends. I'm also getting ready to go home to Cali for a visit next week and staying through the holiday. It made me think how we go through our days without realizing how time truly passes us by so quick.

Do you take the time to let each person in your life know how much you appreciate them and love them? Not because some holiday rolls around or you happen to see them but any time you think of them. If you have a minute or two, you should. In this day and age of technology, you can send a quick text that says how you feel. "Thanks for being a part of my life and I love you." One day, you may lose that special person and you won't see them anymore. How will that make you feel knowing you may have not said it enough? Right?

This time of year rolls around and people get softer, kinder and become more compassionate with family, friends, neighbors and even total strangers.

I think it has to do with how we were brought up, especially here in the U.S. In our childhood, the weather gets cold and our parents start to talk about Santa coming. They remind us that we need to be good girls and boys or he won't be bringing any presents for us. So what did we do? That's right! We did our chores without being told. We listened and minded our manners. We didn't fight with our siblings (as much). We were nice. We were kind to everyone. We were anticipating the arrival of something good.

I think that the cold weather triggers something in us as adults and our psyche remembers what we learned so naturally we become nicer, gentler and more compassionate with our family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and even total strangers. We remember that feeling of goodness with the cold and we pass it on.

I wish I could bottle that feeling up and spread it throughout the year so that we live in a world that is filled with laughter, kindness, compassion and love.

How about the next time you think of someone in your life, you stop for a moment and send a quick text or email to let them know you appreciate them? It may only take you a minute to do but they will hold that moment in their heart, until they die. One small gesture can change a person's day or even their life.

I may not know many of you but I do appreciate you stopping by and want to thank each and every one of you for reading my blog.

Until the next time, with gratitude.

Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing."

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Punctuation is powerful.

9/11/01 and Beyond

The world was waken 10 years ago to watch in horror to what evil people are truly capable of doing. Technology being what it is today, the world was able to watch it happen live. Yes, it happened in the United States but it didn't just happen to Americans. We Americans are so arrogant at times that when something like this happens, we make it just about us. Do you recall what those buildings are called? The World Trade Center. That means that the world's people were in those building. And they, too, were killed so more than just Americans were affected. Today, the world honors all who were lost on September 11, 2001, not just the U.S.

We cannot allow those kinds of evil people to dictate our lives and close ourselves up. It is a good lesson to learn to be more cautious yet less arrogant. I mean honestly, didn't that event bring us down a few notches to remind us that we are vulnerable?

More importantly, we cannot allow what happen to jade us to the innocent people who share the same religion as those terrorists. It was a group of people that did this, not a whole race or religion. We have to stop profiling the innocent. Remember Hitler? It took years for people to remove the stigma that all Germans were evil because they tried to eradicate a religion. It was not the Germans that killed those who followed the Jewish religion but a group of people that were German who sought to make, what they called, the perfect race. A lot of Germans were not blond haired and blue-eyed and they, too, were put to death.

Evil begets evil so we need to stop and think about that. Revenge does not bring back the dead. Sure, it makes you feel good momentarily but in the long run, changing people's attitude and opening our minds is what will make the change in this world. As Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

My oldest niece was born three months before the tragedy that year so this event, in a way, is forever attached to her. In the future when people ask, what happened the year you were born, she will have to answer that the world came to a stand still to mourn the loss of their families and friends. It was the year the world woke up.

As much as today is a day of reflection and healing, it is also a day to remember that life cannot stop. It needs to go on and be filled with many wonderful, memorable and perhaps learning moments so that the healing process continues.

Don't take your family and friends for granted. When events such as this happens and you lose someone, you torment yourselves with guilt and regret of not doing or saying more to them, after they are gone. Take the time to stop and show or tell them how you feel. Give them a hug from the heart, holding them tight. When you leave each other, know you showed love and compassion to that person or people. That way in the end, you know you did all you could to love.

Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity. ~Hippocrates

Saturday Thought

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

Thought of the Day

Don't feel sad over someone who gave up on you. Feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone, who would have never given up on them.

Breath of Fresh Air

You know when life gives you challenges, it is how you react to them that shows your character. Think different and make a change in your life.

Thought of the Day

‎"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. " — John Barrymore

Great Quote

With love for life, and love for love itself, it is strong enough to bring people to do things that are almost impossible. ~ Ami Ankilewitz, 39 Pounds of Love (movie on Netflix)

Thought of the morning

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thought of the Day

Life ends when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing and love ends when you stop caring. Keep the dream alive, carry hope in your heart and always let love be your guide.

Stalkers Amoung Us

We know you read every word and punctuation that is written by us. It fuels that psychotic anger and unhealthy obsession you hold towards us.

You write your views in cryptic verses in a public forum, thinking we won't get it... we do.

We throw caution to the wind and at times, we plant seeds that take root in your infantile minds that cause doubt and creates confusion.

You think you are hidden safely behind that monitor but we have reached in without you knowing. We see you. We feel you. We know you... better than you know yourself.

You delude yourself with liquid courage and devil weed. You feel invincible when you write your disparaging remarks... we know how to take you down a peg or two and we always do because we see you try to climb out as you slowly slip further down.

We know what to write to feed that anger and obsession. It has become a game and we are winning because you don't see us. You don't know us. You don't understand us.

We are hidden and securely guarded. You reach out to see if it is safe but we warn you... it is not.

Your armor is broken and tarnished. We have won all the battles you have started. We will conquer you. We will win the war.

You are alone in your desperation. We see you slowly tumble into oblivion. You will crash and burn into nothingness. No friend to hold out a hand and save you because you have killed their spirit. They, too, will let you fall.

e.e. cummings

“for whatever we lose... like a you or a me... it's always ourselves we find in the sea”

♥♥♥ ·...·´¯`·...· ><(((º> ·...·´¯`·...· ><(((​º> ·...·´¯`·...· ♥♥♥

Japanese Proverb

"We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we smile."

Thought of the Night

Life is never going to be perfect and no matter how much you plan for it, it will change without notice and you need to realize that today.

People you thought you knew well are going to become strangers to you.

The one you thought you would truly love forever may be the one person you forget for the rest of your life.

You’re going to be happy. And you are going to fall, at times.

You need to know that every day is a new day, a new chance to do something in your life and to make it the best you can. Live your life for today and above all, don’t forget to believe in yourself.

Thought of the Day

なっみゅほれんげきょ.

Zen

"Zen is not about self improvement. We don’t strive to become something, or to overcome our deficiencies. We practice to allow the natural, authentic unfolding of buddha-nature to manifest. Our effort is about clearing away delusion and ignorance. In this way, healing and world peace are not an impossible distant dream, but exist right now, right here in this very moment." ~Zen Master Bon Soeng; Empty Gate Zen Center in Berkeley, CA

Turning 50

Many things have happened in my life and many people have passed through. Some have come and gone, never to return while others came back allowing us to have a better relationship. Those who have gone, may your lives be enriched with the love you seek and find. I whole heartily appreciate the time I had with each of you and cherish the memories we created.

I always say that life is short because I sat and watch my father take his last breath, as my daughter held his hand. He was only 69. With my background as an EMT and as a courtesy to a colleague, the nurse, Michael (trust me the irony of his name is not lost on me), asked me to call his time of death. I promise you, it is not a pleasant thing to do. For me to decide my father was dead. I made his time on this earth final and even now, it breaks my heart to pieces to know I did that.

Through his death, he taught me and my family the value of living fully, wholly and loving unconditionally. Getting out and seeing the world. We only have this one life to live; it is not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing. It may have taken some time to get over the grief of losing him but we are now all following his advice and living as best as we can without regrets and seeing the things we only talked about.

There are so many things to do and see; so many amazing people to meet and places to discover. I can't dwell on the past but need to look forward to a spectacular future. I am here to continue to make wonderful memories with those around me, to take with me into my elder years when I can no longer travel and be out in the world but have the grand stories to tell.

Yes, there are those of you that came in my life with mean intentions because of the kind of people you are; insecure, broken and soulless. My secret is not to allow you to have power and let you go. I forgive but I don't forget. Karma protects me because I respect it. Others are starting to see that is does work and find out the hard way that it hurts when you get stung by it. It comes when you least expect it or need it.

My birthday wish to everyone is to let go of past hurts but keep the good memories inside as it keeps your heart light. Be kind to everyone because you never know when you will need that reciprocated in the future. If love dies for you, don't cause other people's love to die as well. In the end, you only hurt yourself.

Open yourself up to being vulnerable. That is the only way that true love can come in.

Don't use people. Don't hurt them. Don't lie to them. Don't steal from them. When you are wrong or have wronged someone, apologize to them, face to face. It's the honorable thing to do. Give to them what you would want in return because if you live that way, it will come to you.

The important things in life is not money, greed, fame or power. It is love, kindness, compassion, honor and honesty. Decide which is more important to you and live that way all the time. Love and light.

Thought of the Day

The purpose of the mind is to think. The purpose of the heart is to feel. The purpose of the body is for action. The purpose of the soul is to let you know that your thoughts, feelings and actions are limitless and can take you anywhere you choose to go. ~AMK

In Memory

Hard to believe it has been two years that he passed but his music lives on... a song with my name in it is always a good one. LOL

What Memories!

Going through my external hard drive and found this... how hilarious is this freaking picture!

It caused so much ruckus and it was taken purely by chance... funny how The Universe talks to you even when you are not listening. After that, things change for the better for me but worse for others. A dream died for her and she lost her chance at life long happiness with him... a photo became her Karma and it took him away.

Watch what you do... eventually, it all returns to you and if it's bad, you better have good armor because it could kill you.

A Good Thought

Whether it is family, friendship or an intimate relationship, I think this applies to them all.

"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination." ~ Dr. Maya Angelou

To those who don't fear it, put expectations on it, who share it and embrace what ever comes from it. May your love arrive unscathed to its destinations!

Good Thought of the Day

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. ~ Flora Whittemore

Powerful Thought for the Day

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.

Great Music, Funny Lyrics

One thing about my brother-in-law is that as much as he is a professional, working as a drum tech and back up drummer for a well known artist, he is also in a couple bands as the drummer when he is not on the road. They write some hilarious stuff because it's all about fun and being funny; not taking themselves seriously because life is serious enough. The lyrics may be funny but the music is awesome. I think you will love them.

Check their music out on Reverbnation:

http://www.reverbnation.com/jerryriggtheelchupos

And follow them on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jerry-Rigg-the-El-Chupos/136127592626

Another Project Done

Another project is all done. Time to start another.

Feel free to follow me on Facebook at facebook.com/ladybugartisan

Happy Father's Day

Fathers come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. Some are kind and gentle while others can be mean and rough. We learn life through our interactions with them as they have learned from their fathers.

They mold us to who we become, whether we are like them or learn to be opposite of them. We may love or hate them but they are the person that helped to bring us into this world. Even if you don't get along with them, perhaps just being grateful for their part can ease that pain.

I was fortunate to have a father that loved me and my sisters with all his heart. He and his siblings had a rough start to life with a father that was not so kind or loving. They knew of his temper and made every attempt to stay out of his way when he was in a foul mood, to avoid yet another bruise or bump. My father left home as soon as he could but he knew in his heart that when he had kids, he would never be the kind of father that he grew up with and until the day he died, he never was.

He sacrificed a lot to give to us because he believed that his kids and wife came first. A true father just does what he has to do to be there for his kids. The true definition of fatherhood is about giving, sacrifice, unconditional love; whether they are biological or not, those who truly care do these things for their kids.

I once knew someone who was that kind of man. He had a dream of what he wanted to do with his life and was ready grab it. But when the time came, he put his luggage down and sacrificed that dream to take in his two nephews when they needed someone the most. He gave them shelter, the necessities, discipline and more importantly, love. He may have not had kids of his own but he is a father to those boys, who have become the men they are now because of him.

Another friend married his long time girlfriend who had three kids. He loved them as if they were his own and treated that way, so when they got married, it was a natural transition for the kids to start calling him dad since they already thought of him that way.

For me personally, I was fortunate to have had an amazing dad and I know that even though he is not here, he still watches over us, making sure that my sisters and I always stay safe. Rest in peace, daddy and know that we miss and love you very much.

How lucky are we to know that men like that exist, who truly care and are so giving of themselves? That show their love, compassion and kindness while being the strong men they are. They are true super heroes in these days when we lack them.

To all you dads out there; may your day be filled with joy, laughter and love. May your family celebrate the wonderfulness that is you and honor what you have done to always be there for them. The happiest Father's Day is wished to each and every one of you.

TGIF

Happy Friday, albeit a bit wet and thundery, here in New England. Stay dry, grab that delicious cup of coffee and enjoy the morning.

WOW!

There are no words but to say WOW!

Thought of the Day

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. - E. E. Cummings

Rain/Sun

I took this on Friday, June 10th, outside my kitchen window. Momma Nature was not sure if she wanted to keep give me rain or the sun so she gave me a little of both, for a short time... it was a very unique view and glad I was able to catch it in a photo.

Thought of the Day

We spend our days waiting for the ideal path to appear but we forget that paths are made by walking, not by waiting. Take that first step and blaze your own path to your dreams, to that wonderful place or towards that special person. It's all there for the taking.

Thought of the Day

Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened. ~Dr. Seuss

Humor for the Day

Great Show

Sitting by the window, enjoying Momma Nature's show.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to all my Gemini friends, since you make up almost 3/4 of my friends. Wishing you all a wonderful year filled with love, laughter and adventures!

Poetry

Words have always intrigued me. How the combination of them could illicit a tear or how it could make you laugh out of control. When I read my first book, I was hooked and my teacher encouraged me to continue to read.

When I was in middle school, I read the poetry of Robert Frost and that changed my life. Poetry was fast and to the point. I didn't have to go through a whole book to convey a message. A few lines written with the right words would make the mind think and process. So with my notebook and pencil in hand, the 10 year old me sat in our backyard with our Koi pond and composed the first poem.

Flash to today... moving cross country the way I did, I brought everything I had so I had been going through boxes until today. It was a pain to do but also fun as I found a lot of old treasures including notebooks full of old poems that I had not transposed onto my flash drive or backed up on the external hard drive.

It was interesting to read my old stuff and see where I was mentally back then. One in particular, written July 28, 2002, grabbed my attention. Kind of a Jekyll and Hyde type of person but it was written about a guy that I actually knew who had this really dark side that only close friends saw but was well loved for the mask he wore that was friendly and kind. He hated that mask but it was what he had to wear to live in this society with his status and family's money.This came out of me one night as I watched him sit by a fire starting out the window and his eyes were what caught my attention so I wrote what I saw and knew. The irony is that he is a Gemini, who are known to have that duality about them.

Duality

AMK © 2010

He sits, starting into the emptiness

His thoughts chaotic and twisted

On the exterior, a fine gentleman of country and breed

On the inside, a raging made man exists

One, society adores and the other society abhors

The feeling of conflict rages within

He sits, staring into the emptiness

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two beers.

A professor stood before his Philosophy 201 class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions; if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or golf balls.The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents.Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Practice "romance" as often as possible. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of "Mama" first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.'

As my sister said, it is the Buddhist way of life minus the beer. ;)

Beautiful Evening

Ever sit down at the right moment and something wonderful happens? Well, it happened twice for me this early evening.

A beautiful sunset for me to enjoy and a call from an old friend in NYC, that I hadn't heard from in a couple years. It was so good to hear his voice and catch up with what is going on these days.

Hope you are all having a wonderful evening. I am. This is from my kitchen window. Love the colors.

Time for a Change

It's will be my 50 birthday a month from today and with such a momentous facet in one's life, it gives thought to what has been done thus far and how much more there is to still do. I still have time... I hope.

Losing my dad almost 6 years ago, made me realize that life is truly short and there is a lot of life to still live because we never know when the end reaches its hands out to enfold us.

With modern medicine, it is assumed it is safe to undergo a routine heart surgery. When we wake up, our health and life is better and we get a second chance to do more with the time we are given. With my dad, that was not the case. He went in and instead of waking him up after the surgery was completed, they kept him under for 4 days. His heart was one of the worse the surgeon had ever seen in his career. Chemo and radiation did some major damage when dad had cancer 8 years prior. But the day came when he was woken and he looked good. What we didn't know was that in less than two weeks, he would be gone and three weeks later, we would be laying him to rest. September 10 is always a hard day to get through. Yes, there is more to the story but perhaps another time.

Ultimately, it's all about time, isn't it? We have to make the best of all we have and cherish the people in our lives. There is still time to find more adventures, see new places and meet many new people. And to find love again. Yes, that would be the nice, wouldn't it?

With those thoughts, I've been going back and forth about consolidating all my blogs to one place as I have several in different places. My thought is to change the URL link here (as I am able to), remove any personal information like my profile and changing the title so I can continue to write anonymously. Yes, my friends, that means that when you come to the current link, it will be gone and searching for me by blog title or my name will not yield any results.

With that said, I wanted to let you know how appreciative I am for having you support and follow my journey, whether you agreed with me or not. It has been an interesting ride, especially the last 6 years and I look forward with excitement and anticipation to what is to come, where I go and who is there beside me.

If you come by and the page is closed or gone, please know that I finally made the decision of what I want to do. I think it's time now; time for a change.

With my deepest gratitude,
Ann

In Memory

Definitely a surreal feeling, standing in this spot, taking the picture, knowing what had happened on September 11, 2001 and how many lives were lost in mere minutes. Very humbling and overwhelming, emotionally.

Posted via iPhone.

True American Hero

We all know one. Quiet, unassuming and going about their lives without fanfare.

My father was one of those. He gave 42 years of his life to the military without needing acknowledgement for what he did. He was like John Wayne in a cowboy movie. Came in, did the job and left without people knowing who he was except the ones that he touched. That is the epitome of a true American Hero.

I am one of the luckier ones and grew up knowing so many of them. My dad's military buddies who did what he did and went about their daily lives with their families and friends. My friends' fathers who did the same while we grew up in military installations, thinking that this is a normal life. How little we knew or appreciated that we lived with that Hero every day. He was just daddy.

When my dad passed in 2005, I had to go through all his paperwork for my mom and I found a letter to him, presenting him with a Bronze Star. He never mentioned he had gotten one. In fact, he never requested for it, which you have to do. That was my dad. He didn't need the accolade or the acclamation for doing his job; he just did it and did it well. He did it for the love for and from his wife and his three girls.

When he retired from the military after 20 years, it was without a huge party and decoration from the military. He did what he had to do and went about finding a civil service job and continued his work with the military. When he retired from that, my mom threw him a elegant and quiet party at my friend's winery. It was just family and close friends; mostly his military buddies and wives.

Why do I bring all this up? Because we all meet and know those zealots who served in the military for a very short time yet push that fact into people's faces as if they are owed some acknowledgement or attention. It shows their immaturity and lack of class, in my humble opinion. It shows that what they did in the military was just a stepping stone to get the attention as a Veteran and use it to their full advantage, whether they deserve it or not. Obviously, they are the ones that lack the strength or courage to continue as they didn't re-enlist. To me, it mars what the quiet brave men and women did and do for our country, day in and day out.

Don't tell me how to be a Patriot in this country. Don't throw our flag into my face as if I don't know what it means. Hell, my birthday is in the same week as the Fourth of July so I know what it means, every year! I was born into it, grew up with it and lived it my whole life. It is with quiet admiration that I show the military personnel my gratitude. When I thank them, I don't do it in public and make a scene but in private to let them know that how much I appreciate what they do and thank them for being who they are. I listen to their story so that I can learn something more.

I don't wear shirts to show that I support an organization but I donate or volunteer to it. I don't spout words of injustice to people to create attention or fear. I just do my part, if I can, to make a change.

In celebration for the upcoming Memorial Day, my heart and prayers go out to those who lost a loved one during their tenure in the military and to those who passed after serving their whole lives. Love and light.

Spirituality is Sexy

It is interesting to me but when people hear the word spirituality, it conjures the thought of Buddhists, meditation, wellness or wholeness and a myriad of "holy" or "sacred" thoughts but sex never comes into the equation; especially to those who follow a Christian-based religion.

It was an interesting topic and it is what came up while we were talking at dinner tonight.

Come on... are you going to tell me you never heard of the Kama Sutra or Tantra? Ah! Now, you get it. So did he, when I explained that. I think I got his attention after that. LOL!

They are two of many different forms of foreplay that blends spirituality with sexuality. It melds the two people together so they feel more than lust or sexual tension but deeper connection with their souls as their bodies join in sexual union.

It is said that the mind is the biggest sexual organ in the body and it is true. You can entice someone by stimulating their minds and once that happens, their body naturally follows willingly.

My degree is in Psychology but the emphasis is on human sexuality as that controls a lot of what people do and how they act and it has always interest me. I used to write erotica and had a huge following around the world so I have experience with knowing how to stimulate a person's mind sensually and sexually with just mere words.

My companion said that he could not fathom thinking of being spiritual while having sex. You just didn't think "holy" thoughts because as it is technically a sin to have sex outside of marriage or for pleasure, in the Christian-based religions. It is funny how the religion instills guilt about something as natural as sex.

I told him it is normally done with someone you are in a solid, loving relationship with and it is used to enhance that outside of sex. You have to know the person well, know how they think and how open they would be to trying new things. It frees you from restraints and strengthens bonds between the two people.

Next time you hear the word spirituality, know that there are those who are feeling it hundreds time more intensely than one would, having "regular" sex. It is long, slow, lots of fun and requires a lot of attention to detail when you allow yourself to open up to try this.

It is true sensuality, at its best. Have a try and see how different it is with your partner. Be sure to give yourself a lot of time and have no interruptions. There are many web sites to give you guidance on how to get started and the different positions with the Kama Sutra and with tantric sex.

Come on, peeps! It is time to bring sexy back to spirituality.

Slow Down

Life is really short, in terms of our time here in the Universe so it makes me wonder why we rush through it to get to the end... and where would that be? Oh, yeah, right... our deaths.

I guess that is one of the reasons why I moved from Cali to CT. The fast-paced life of Silicon Valley was getting to me and I wanted to slow things down and take life easier so that I can enjoy my short stay here. Rejuvenate my spirit, if you will. Reconnect with people and really enjoy each and every one of our moments together, whether face to face, phone or online video chats.

One of the things I learned is that when we rush through life, we tend to make mistakes; whether it be a project at work, a situation in life or a relationship with someone, because we are not focused and giving it our full attention that it deserves.

At work, we have emails and phone calls to contend with as well as getting our work done. There are always work place drama queens or kings that try to pull you in. A situation in life can take you off course and by not giving it your full attention, it can slide out of control. When you don't give the person you are with your full attention and focus when it is needed, that relationship is doomed to fail.

We have become a society of instant gratification and our kids are growing up thinking that is how life is. They want something and they get it. Parents have lost their patience in being a parent. it is easier to just give in rather than teach them to learn patience and doing the work for it.  In the end, it affects those kids. How hard is it going to be for them when they go out to the "real" world and find that it is quite the opposite. What an eye-opener it will be for them and how fast they get the awakening.

I think that is why I love knitting and crocheting. It takes time to create something. I have to work at it, slowly and steadily as not to make a mistake. I have to create it, stitch by stitch but eventually, it becomes a hat, scarf, sweater or whatever it is I am making at the time. It is slow and meticulous but in the end, the finished product makes it worthwhile. I hadn't really done a lot in the last few years but I took them both back up the last year and it has helped me to slow down and be in the moment. If we all took our time for the important things, we can minimize our mistakes. Give it our full attention and focus. Give it our all.

We don't take the time to be with people, one on one and give them our full attention. Take the time to turn off your phone while you are with them as to give them the respect they deserve by being there fully. Listen to what they say, not just hear the words. Stop thinking ahead of what you are going to say. Look into their eyes as they speak. See them clearly right there in front of you and not look around the room.

One of the things I noticed at the gym is that people are addicted to their phones. Sure, the policy is not to have their phones while they work out but it is not enforced. What a dis-service it is to themselves by not giving their full attention to their work out. Their phone rings or they get a text, they immediately are on it. It cracks me up but also makes me sad that they cannot give themselves the respect and time to just be alone with their workout. They don't get that the world will be there when they finish.

There are also times it is not about doing anything but about doing nothing. The Italians have a saying... il dulce far niente... the sweetness of doing nothing.

We need to take a page out of their book and rewrite our own. Taking the time for you; time to do nothing. Nothing but enjoy the sweet smell and taste of your warm cup of coffee as you sit on your comfy couch, listening to the ticking of the clock. Hearing the silence around you as you rest and breath slowly while you meditate. Savoring the taste of that warm cookie you are having with your tea, nibble by nibble. Watching the clouds float by slowly as you lay on the grass on a warm sunny day with a cool breeze across your face. Enjoying the sound of the rain outside your window as you watch the drops fall from the sky. Being on a high hill overlooking a spectacular view and just taking it in. Sitting on a dock by the ocean and watching the waves roll in.

When life is passing by so quickly, isn't time to slow down and savor all that life has around you, from time to time, so that you can enjoy your part of it in the Universe?

Happiness

Happiness.

I sent an email to the kids I have a program with, to let them know that the topic of our call would be happiness. They were to think about the word and to define what it meant to them.

When we got on the call, the questions below were asked from various kids, almost as soon as everyone was on. They didn't associate themselves with that word. Happiness came when they got something nice on their birthdays or they accidentally got a freebie from the store. 

Why happiness? How does it really feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? Is there a price to pay for happiness?

I wrote them down on the online board and had each kid ponder each question and to come up with their own answers.

When it got quiet, I said, "being happy is a choice. Yes, a choice. You choose to be happy or you choose to be miserable. Take it or leave it."

They all spoke at once and all denying those statements. I had to stop them ask why they think that.

Number one answer? "Because that is what we are not taught. We are taught that happiness comes from outside. Someone makes us happy. A thing makes us happy. We don't make ourselves happy."

I asked when was the last time they felt happy. I mean, deep down, get up in the morning with a smile and ready to take on the day, no one can change how you feel because it come from inside, happy.


Silence. I mean, absolute silence.


So, I tapped on the board and said, read these again. Why happiness? How does it feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? I said, you guys are 16, 17 or 18. You don't want to be on your deathbed and realize what it is and then start living, do you?

We all agreed that it is a feeling inside of us. It makes the world feel right. But I got another question of, why does it come and go then?

I asked if anyone was happy with who they are. I mean truly happy.

Again, silence. Mind you, some of these kids go to the high school that has seen a few suicides in the last couple of years so I know that there are lots of issues dealing with those deaths and perhaps more deeply, issues within the kids that are not at the surface but brewing just below.

I told them that happiness comes only from within. No one can give it to you. No one can buy it for you. No one can get it for you. Only you can find that happiness from within because of who you are. It is about having pride with yourself. Not for your status or money but for your value as a human. Your accomplishments that affect only you. Like taking care of yourself with good eating and exercise. Like being a good friend to others without expecting anything back. It's about doing things that make your soul lift you higher than you have been before.

They started to get where I was going and their thoughts came out.

So, if I do something for someone and they don't know and never will but I feel good. That is happiness?

Yes, I answered.

If I feel good about myself, then it would automatically make me happy? Like when I work out at the gym for months and finally lose the weight?

Of course, I said. It is the pride of accomplishment that you did something for yourself to be healthy. When you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside. People see a glow from you.

You can be happy even in bad circumstances. We all know kids that are not being taken care of by their parents so it can affect their psyche but again, it is a choice whether that kid will draw strength from it and be happy, regardless or to use it as a weapon to attack others in negativity. 

So, what you are saying is that when someone gives you a gift and it makes you happy, then it is not true happiness?

Not necessarily. It feels good to feel cared for and loved and when someone gives you a nice gift from their heart, it makes you feel good. It is part happiness and part love. True happiness does not have a price. You pull it out of yourself. You can share it but you cannot give it out.

Happiness is a double-edged sword. You can do so much for people but they can throw it back into your face because they don't know that feeling of true happiness. Because they don't know what it is, they tend to choose to be negative and miserable. And you know the saying... misery likes company.

The conversation was interesting so I wanted to share; perhaps see what your thoughts are that I may take it back to the kids this week on our call. Feel free to email me.

Are you truly happy? Do you choose it?

Give it some thought.

I am off to the gym as it makes me happy to do something good for me!

Ciao a tutti!

Anger

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~ Buddha

These words got me through a lot in the last year and it is with that thought that I live life, knowing it is not worth holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people. The only person that gets burned would be me so I find ways to let go and forget about it.

Going through my finals for my PhD in Psych was cathartic and it helped me to understand human nature, more intimately. I am not one to actually hold a grudge these days but in my younger days, I did have a temper. Once it flared though, it burned out fast and easy; poof, gone. What I learned in school was eye-opening about anger and grudges. Also how to express oneself constructively as not to hurt yourself or the other person, or so we hope.

What I learned was that when a person is easy to anger, hold grudges or ignore people when they are wrong, their true nature is immaturity. They haven't grown up enough to face the truth so they lash out at those who may put a mirror up. It shows their lack of strength to grow from experiences. They can dish it out but they cannot take it and they will show you anger faster than a bullet coming towards you.

One of our projects was to write down all the times we can recall doing exactly all those. Going through that process was a hard thing; I wrote things from my younger years more than my recent past but they all still had the power to make me cringe when I thought about them.

That project made me think about who I am and how I reflect towards others. How I react and how responsible I am for my actions. Ultimately, what happened was that I opened my eyes and saw a situation that I was being blind to. I had to act on it, step away from it and let it go. But I had to clean up my mess and apologize for my part in it. You know, being the mature, responsible person, no matter how much it hurt.

I was pulled into a friendship with someone who is an attention whore (my professor's lingo), needing approval all the time, needing to be right all the time, and worse of all, she was loud, crude and obnoxious.

I thought I saw something in her that showed her true self but in the end, I was wrong. I admit it. I was wrong about what I saw. She is exactly as everyone warned me she was but she was a great actress and was damn good at wearing the mask of "spirituality" and "goodness" to cover it. She says a lot of good things but the truth is that she doesn't live it; at all. It took me 3 years but I finally saw through to her; her true self was that immature, self-loathing, hurtful person I came to know. It did hurt but it made me angry, too; angrier than I have ever been in a very long time. I gave her a lot of my time, emotion, trust and friendship. I never said anything to her. There was no need as she will do and say what she wants.

That is when I had to step back and take a hard look at my part in it. My actions were not inline with how I want people to see me, so I had to apologize for covering for her. Her ex-husband, who happened to be a friend of mine for almost 20 years, her sister and her sister's sister-in-law. It was one of the hardest thing to do but I did it. I had to face the responsibility for what I did.

It is said that imitation is the best form of flattery. I realize in hind sight, that I am who I am and I have something that other women wished they did and that is why they copy me. I am not being arrogant, just honest. I am not sorry that I exude a certain sexuality and passion that attracts men. It is what it is. I can accept it as part of me and I realize it makes me special; my gift, if you will. I have come to love that about myself.

Women trying to be like me used to irk me but now it makes me smile or even giggle. It is just sad to see very poor imitations of me. What makes me who I am comes from the inside and no one can replicate or imitate it. My essence is mine. My message to them is to learn to find their own style that goes along with their inside. Trying to be someone else never works and people see through it quickly.

So, having gotten over all the anger in my life, it feels good to live a clean, healthy and much more spiritual life without external distractions messing me up on the inside. I have fun meeting people and enjoy my time with them.

If you have been holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people, think about why? Is it worth it? Who wins in the end? Not you, that is for sure.

Let it go and let the stress of the anger go as well. I promise, you will feel so much better about any situation as well as about yourself. It will also promote a longer life. Did you know that happy people live a happier, longer life? Well, they do!

Road Trip

One of my memorable pictures from our road trip from Cali to CT. Coming out of Rock Springs, WY around 6:00-6:30 am. What a view and what a way to start our morning out. It was amazing to see that and it made the trip something more to remember.

Friday, the 13th

The day has always induced fear in many people as well as created movies to draw on those fears. People hear the words, Friday, the 13th and start pulling out their crucifix, rabbit's foot and any other sacred trinket to keep them safe.

Despite all that, it has always been a good luck day for me, even though it is considered the most unluckiest day in the year. I guess having my dad and my youngest sister's birthdays on the 13th (today is her 45th), it has always brought me luck. Another fun date with my new friend was another testament to that. Healthy dinner and dessert was wonderful.

Personally, I think that superstitions are what you make them. Since I always thought of the day as a good luck day, it always ends up being that way for me and I have come to expect that. It never fails me; mind over matter. It really does work.

You can get more info on Friday, the 13th, to find out its history.

By the way, Triskaidekaphobia, is the fear of the number 13 and associated with the fear of Friday, the 13th.

Hope your Friday, the 13th, was a wonderful day with lots of good fun.

Ending my evening with a great book, The Pale King by David Foster Wallace, that an author friend on Facebook talked about. He said he doesn't recommend it to everyone because of its intensity but he liked it. I figured that in the past, he had recommended a few books to his brother and his brother, in turn, had recommended them to me, it would be a book I would like. It is so splurging with a glass of wine and getting back to it on my Kindle (which I LOVE!) But if you want to call and chat or text me, I don't mind, either!  I guess that was for those of you who have my number. LOL!

The author writes True Crime and does an amazing job. You can follow him on Facebook. I have read all his books and highly recommend any of them.

Ch ch ch changes...

That David Bowie song came on the radio as I was driving to my lunch date with this guy I met at the gym. It made me smile because I am doing so many things that are different than I did in the past. Lots of changes.

I was still smiling when we met and he asked me what was up. So I told him a little about my journey of the past few years. 

Me working out as much as I am... I haven't done that in over 15 years when I used to run a fitness center and even then it was half-assed. I mean, I am working out 2-3 hours every day and actually enjoying it. Love how my body gets sore and fatigued but how I can push through it and do more. Keeping track of what I eat and drink (yes, very little vino these days) and I love how it makes me feel.

The last time I loved working out this much was when I was swimming back in my youth. I think when it turned on me was when I went to the Junior Olympics and placed second place in the 400 yard backstroke. I didn't view that in the right way back then and it kind of took the fun out of swimming and working out after that.

I think about it now and think... I mean, come on... I was in the Junior Olympics and I placed second! What an amazing experience I had yet I didn't enjoy it because I placed second.

Hind sight is 20/20 but it is the things like that, that make you rethink your life and had I had the tools back then that I have today, I would have made better choices.

A few years back, after not dating for almost 10 years, I gave love another chance. What happened? I got burned pretty bad so I pulled back. And waited... waited for what, I could not tell you but I did. Maybe it was time to heal; time to talk to people to get the tools I needed to get through that ordeal. What made it worse then was that I was going through full blown menopause and didn't even realize it until after the fact. The hormones do some wonderfully evil things to your body and your mind. But, it is what it is.

And it was too late to rectify or resolve anything between us because it was not what it was supposed to be. I thought it was a lifelong friendship but in fact, it was just someone bored, using another person to humor himself to get the attention of his girlfriend that he kept breaking up with and getting back together (not that I knew until after the fact). He finally got what he wanted. I hope she gets the wedding ring she seeks because that is all she wants from him; commitment for a lifetime. Bless them both for trying in the name of love.

In all the changes I made recently, besides moving and living in an area with no family and little friends, working as a journalist and working out, I decided to give love another chance again. Open the door and let people in. See where it goes and not put any expectation on anything and more importantly, on anybody. Just live in the moment and enjoy. Now that is a huge change for me.

The date? It went very well and we are fast becoming friends. It's all good. I need more friends around here.

What changes can you make to spice up your life? Are there things you dreamed of doing and hold back? Ask yourself why. Life is truly short and you don't want to be on your deathbed, looking back and realizing that you never really live but only existed.

Dream big, then go out and make it happen!

Words of Wisdom

Our minds are a powerful tool. It can make or break how we think, feel and treat ourselves as well as other. We can convince ourselves of our worth or our lack there of. Our minds can take control of how we live your lives.

It is really important to give yourself affirmations of positive words and thoughts so that your mind can start to change. What your mind thinks, your body follows. What I mean is that if you feel stuck in this life, you will be. You start to hide behind drugs, alcohol and even food, to ease the pain or numb it. It can take you to a darker place because we have convince ourselves that we are in a dark place.

We can be bogged down by negative thoughts and hide away from everyone so that we don't need to deal. In that way, we already set ourselves up to fail before even trying. We convince ourselves that we are not good enough or not loved enough and play the victim. We blame others and eventually, the only person we hurt is ourselves.

The more times we think and say the positive words, the more it sinks into our subconscious mind. Eventually, there is nothing else it can believe except the good things that it is receiving.

I am loved. I am loving. I am good. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am amazing. I am strong. I am kind. I am forgiving. I am honorable. I am loyal. I can overcome anything. I can do anything. I am powerful. I control my life. I control my destiny.

Can you imagine if you said those words, every day, a few times a day, for a month? Eventually, your mind stops, notices the difference in the words and changes your "normal" way of dark thinking to this "new" light way and then it becomes your normal way of thinking.

You can wake up every day knowing it will be another amazing day to live life fully. To find yourself where you want to be. To find the person you were meant to share your life with. To know you mean something in this world. To make a difference in someone's life.

What words of wisdom would you want to pass on to inspire others to make that change in their minds and in their hearts?

Boys' Day

For most Americans, they have gotten used to celebrating the Mexican Independence Day, Cinco de Mayo but for my family and many other Japanese families, we celebrate Boys' Day.

Just like Girls' Day on March 3rd, Boys' Day on May 5th, is to celebrate and honor the boys of our culture. In 1948, the government changed both holidays and now call it Children's Day but old habits die hard with parents that grew up in the era of change and they passed on the knowledge of the original holidays.

To celebrate, the homes that had boys would fly these fish flags called Koinobori. Koi is carp and and nobori means to climb (Chinese legend that a carp that swims upstream becomes a dragon and the way the flags blow in the wind looks like they are swimming). The top black fish represents the father of the house and then how ever many fishes under it represented how many boys the father has.

In the house, many would also display the kabuto, which is the helmet worn by samurai in the old days as well as the uniform, as shown below.

Kampai (cheers) to the boys!

It's Inside

You always hear that if you are searching for an answer, look within. It's true but most people do not understand that concept. They think they do but they continue to look for what they seek externally and it hinders their growth.

We ask for advice from others but not take it because it doesn't feel right. That feeling of doubt is your soul speaking to you, telling you that it is not the right answer.

It is hard to trust your internal voice because we were not raised to do that but it really is more trustworthy than searching externally. You know you the best and you know what the answer is before you ask the question. You just got into the habit of denying it because that is all you have been taught to do.

When something is bothering you, take some time to stop, sit down in a quiet place and allow the answer to come through. Usually the first thing that pops up is the most accurate and reliable. Gut feeling, so to speak.

It will be hard, at first, because you will feel like nothing is coming through but with continued practice, eventually, you will get that feeling that what your thoughts are, are the answers you seek.

Additionally, you may not get an answer the way you think. It may not come through in your mind but as you ask a question, your soul may want to give you a visual and send a "sign" to you to see. Be observant of your surroundings and you may realize that the same kinds of pictures pass you often. There is your sign.

How many times in the past you thought of something when asked and you let that gut feeling go and it turned out to be right? I was reminded a few years ago that you should always trust your gut feeling. I assure you, these days, I live with that all the time now and it has steered me in the right direction.

We tend to second guess our answers and not go with that thought. Usually what happens is that we get off course and find that we are lost. You are your best tour guide in life and it is always best to get the answers from within, first. That way, you keep yourself on your path and you find that each day becomes easier to get through.

It really is inside you.

Current Event

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy."

Jessica Dovey, Penn State grad living in Kobe, Japan

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Going Back

Things happen in life that make you wonder if you can go back. Back to an old job, back to an old place or back to an old flame.

The last two have come into play for me in my life and I acted on one and have not regretted my decision.

I like where I have moved to and making a lot of positive changes in my life. I am much more healthier than I have been in years and love how I feel mentally, physically and spiritually.

Then... boom! An old flame from 20 years ago returns. We talked for hours recently, catching up on where we are, what we are doing and how life has been the past 20 years. The irony? He lives where I came from, 3000 miles away.

Whatever the reason, it gave me food for thought. Once a relationship is really over, to me it is over and there is no going back. He kind of opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. Maybe I do give him another chance and see where it take us. We talked easily, without missing a beat, as if 20 years had not past. He has become a different person as I have.

I guess it is good to have that time away to grow and change. We have a foundation of the past that we can rebuild a friendship.

The moral of the story is not to close the door all the way but to leave it ajar, just in case someone that was good in your life in the past, wants to knock and come in again.

Life's Twisted Journey

I get these daily emails from "The Universe" and I enjoy reading them as it reminds me that no matter where I am in life, even during rough times, life and the experiences can be fun, enlightening, loving and filled with wonderment. The site is: TUT. Check it out and sign up for the same emails I get but is personalized with your name.

For whatever reason, yesterday's message really spoke to me  but I wanted to take some time to let it sink and and give it some thought before I started to write as I knew this would be a topic I wanted to blog about.

In life, Anni, you can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits.

You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Whew! Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track?

The Universe

And usually, Anni, it only ever seems hard, when you rush yourself.

Why I related to it so much hit me today, while I was doing my three-hour training at the gym. Three hours gives you a lot of time to think especially when you are running on the treadmill.

We all limit ourselves. We make ourselves believe we cannot do things. And that causes us to be afraid. Scared to try new things. Scared to follow our dreams. But the fact of the matter is, it is mind over matter. We tell ourselves we can do something and we give it a go, we find it was a lot easier than our mind told us it was.

My huge limitation recently was moving. I wanted to move but mentally I kept telling myself excuses. My mom needs me. My daughter needs me. My sisters need me. WTF? They are all grown up and I can do what I want. So I finally took that first step and reserved a truck, then gave notice at my apartment in Cali. After that, it got easier and easier and things fell into place. Amazing fast, in fact. When you stop limiting yourself, the world opens up.

Example number two just came an hour ago by email. I saw this posting on FB about an opening for a journalist for this site that has writers in towns  and cities across the country. My first reaction was, "no, I can't do that" then I had to stop and say, "yes, I can." So I sent the guy an email and we went back and forth for a day trading emails. Guess who got the job? Me!

You do get lonely when you stop doing things because what you do is stay home and hide. You surround yourself with your walls as well as the mental walls and eventually it gets so high that no one can get in and you can't get out. I started to see myself do that and I remember the day I pulled myself out of it. It was that first step to a different path.

And I totally got the boring part. I lost my passion for everything when I had my heart broken so it pushed me into this funk, falling deeper into a place that was really boring because I didn't care about how my heart was doing because it hurt too much. I knew at some point I had to pull myself out and I did.  I had to accept what had happened, knowing that it was all one sided and let go of that pain. It felt really good to do that for myself and to be on track again. I find that now life is exciting and I have a good time, no matter where I go. I make friends much more easily now and click with people.

Illusions. The illusion that you cannot do something. The illusion that no one cares. The illusion that everything is hard. Play the victim and blame others. I know that and I was surrounding myself with people like that. Hell, the closest person to me was in a worse place than I and she was pulling me into her illusions. I had to cut myself out of it. As hard as something is, eventually you get it right and it becomes easy. You just cannot allow yourself to play the victim or martyr. The hard part of illusions is that eventually you get found out for what you really are and people turn and run.

That last line was the key... rushing yourself through a process makes you feel like things are hard. You hear people talk about doing things slow and steady. Oh yeah, it's so true. It will get done but I won't be overwhelmed by the process if I take my time and do it right. It's all a matter of perseverance. Keep plugging away.

How do you limit yourself? Do you feel lonely and alone? Are you bored with life? Do you find that you longer have dreams or goals? Do you feel overwhelmed with everything that comes your way? How can you change any of those? Sit down and write things out. That way you see them in black and white. Next to the list, write the things you can do to change your path.

Mind you, I am not saying there won't be times you fall back. Don't think of it as a failure. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into the game.

Here is to you and all you are! Amazing!