Life's Twisted Journey

I get these daily emails from "The Universe" and I enjoy reading them as it reminds me that no matter where I am in life, even during rough times, life and the experiences can be fun, enlightening, loving and filled with wonderment. The site is: TUT. Check it out and sign up for the same emails I get but is personalized with your name.

For whatever reason, yesterday's message really spoke to me  but I wanted to take some time to let it sink and and give it some thought before I started to write as I knew this would be a topic I wanted to blog about.

In life, Anni, you can only ever be scared, when you believe in limits.

You can only ever feel lonely, when you stop doing things.

You can only ever become bored, when you no longer follow your heart.

And you can only ever get overwhelmed, when you think the illusions are real.

Whew! Who knew it could be so easy to get back on track?

The Universe

And usually, Anni, it only ever seems hard, when you rush yourself.

Why I related to it so much hit me today, while I was doing my three-hour training at the gym. Three hours gives you a lot of time to think especially when you are running on the treadmill.

We all limit ourselves. We make ourselves believe we cannot do things. And that causes us to be afraid. Scared to try new things. Scared to follow our dreams. But the fact of the matter is, it is mind over matter. We tell ourselves we can do something and we give it a go, we find it was a lot easier than our mind told us it was.

My huge limitation recently was moving. I wanted to move but mentally I kept telling myself excuses. My mom needs me. My daughter needs me. My sisters need me. WTF? They are all grown up and I can do what I want. So I finally took that first step and reserved a truck, then gave notice at my apartment in Cali. After that, it got easier and easier and things fell into place. Amazing fast, in fact. When you stop limiting yourself, the world opens up.

Example number two just came an hour ago by email. I saw this posting on FB about an opening for a journalist for this site that has writers in towns  and cities across the country. My first reaction was, "no, I can't do that" then I had to stop and say, "yes, I can." So I sent the guy an email and we went back and forth for a day trading emails. Guess who got the job? Me!

You do get lonely when you stop doing things because what you do is stay home and hide. You surround yourself with your walls as well as the mental walls and eventually it gets so high that no one can get in and you can't get out. I started to see myself do that and I remember the day I pulled myself out of it. It was that first step to a different path.

And I totally got the boring part. I lost my passion for everything when I had my heart broken so it pushed me into this funk, falling deeper into a place that was really boring because I didn't care about how my heart was doing because it hurt too much. I knew at some point I had to pull myself out and I did.  I had to accept what had happened, knowing that it was all one sided and let go of that pain. It felt really good to do that for myself and to be on track again. I find that now life is exciting and I have a good time, no matter where I go. I make friends much more easily now and click with people.

Illusions. The illusion that you cannot do something. The illusion that no one cares. The illusion that everything is hard. Play the victim and blame others. I know that and I was surrounding myself with people like that. Hell, the closest person to me was in a worse place than I and she was pulling me into her illusions. I had to cut myself out of it. As hard as something is, eventually you get it right and it becomes easy. You just cannot allow yourself to play the victim or martyr. The hard part of illusions is that eventually you get found out for what you really are and people turn and run.

That last line was the key... rushing yourself through a process makes you feel like things are hard. You hear people talk about doing things slow and steady. Oh yeah, it's so true. It will get done but I won't be overwhelmed by the process if I take my time and do it right. It's all a matter of perseverance. Keep plugging away.

How do you limit yourself? Do you feel lonely and alone? Are you bored with life? Do you find that you longer have dreams or goals? Do you feel overwhelmed with everything that comes your way? How can you change any of those? Sit down and write things out. That way you see them in black and white. Next to the list, write the things you can do to change your path.

Mind you, I am not saying there won't be times you fall back. Don't think of it as a failure. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into the game.

Here is to you and all you are! Amazing!

Flying Solo

I got into a conversation today with a couple friends over coffee about what is better... being single or being attached, i.e., married, living together or serious relationship.

They are both married and have been for almost 30 years. Tommy is still happily married but Kat confessed that she was not exactly unhappy as she still respects and cares for her husband but not sure where she is in this stage in life and in the marriage.

She mentioned that she thought I had it good being single and can go anywhere without worrying about someone else. I countered that I thought she had it good that she has someone to go home to. There are pros and cons to "flying solo" as well as being attached.

I told them of my experiences in the last couple years of having friends that are serial daters, obsessives over finding a partner and those like me that date once in a while but aren't really looking for anything serious but if the right person comes along, we might reconsider. I usually ended up hanging out with those friends a lot.

Now the serial daters have some great stories; when he or she would date someone for a bit then break it off, they would want to get together and talk about why it never works out. Bottom line, they are enjoying the time with the people they date but they cannot commit.

I have a guy friend who is obsessed with finding a wife. He wants to be married so bad, he has been making some bad choices in girlfriends. One classic story that he will never live down... she got together with him so that he would fix up her house and once he was done, she dumped him. The funny part of it all is that he is a mechanic and owns a car repair shop.

This woman I knew was married but started to look for a replacement for her husband years before they even talked divorced. Now that she is alone, she is more desperate for a guy, because her ex has a nice girlfriend and has moved on with his life. She is so afraid of being alone that she has become obsessive in finding a guy, instead of learning to love the solitude and herself. It is quite sad.

So it made me wonder as I drove home... who had it better? Me or them? I like my time alone but I think it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Maybe after all these years, it's time; not necessarily marriage but a serious relationship.

What do you think?

Porcupine Fable

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves. But the quills all the porcupine had, wounded their closest companions.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves from one another so they wouldn't get hurt but they began to die, alone and frozen.

They had to make a big decision. Either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the warmth that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

Moral of the story: The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's wonderful qualities.

Happy Easter!

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Wishing you all a wonderful day with family and friends. Happy Easter.

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. ~ Buddha

Happy Earth Day

I hope that you do something special for our planet and do something extra special for yourself.

Funny Egg Art

When I was younger, I loved to draw and sketch and was pretty good at it.  But after a while, I got bored and wanted another material to create on. Paper, canvas and fabric was fun but there had to be more. As a teen, one of my first jobs was on an egg farm. Yes, I packed the eggs you got in the cartons at the grocery stores in Nor-Cal. I worked with a lot of great people and along with our wages, we got free eggs every day to take home.

On break one day, I had taken a raw egg and started to sketch on it then realized that the egg had the same shape as our head and took another egg and drew a face on it. The next one was a funny face. It got some attention and my co-workers started to ask me to sketch something for them. That is how I started to draw on eggs and the funnier, the better.

 

I am not sure if you are familiar with it but you can search on Google under Images, "funny eggs", and you'll come up with tons of funny and creative pictures.

It was fun but as I grew up (sort of), I stopped doing it for a while. Then my daughter came along and when she started to draw, I  showed her. So naturally as she got older, she knew that when I brought eggs home, they would be her domain to decorate before I could cook them, unless, of course, I was making boiled eggs, then she would wait and decorate those because her art would last longer sitting in the frig.

Yes, these are my hard boiled eggs in my frig right now. :)

It is a fun way to keep your kids (big and small) entertained and it has a long term affect when you go to use the eggs to see them again. Causes you to smile as you see the funny faces again.

With Easter coming up, this gives you another way to decorate your eggs with the kids. Have fun and be creative.

Strong and Wise

In many shamanic communities, if you were to speak to the medicine person about being depressed, disheartened or dispirited, they would more than likely ask you one of these four questions.

'When did you stop dancing?'

'When did you stop singing?'

'When did you stop being enchanted by stories?'

'When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?'

We all take it for granted that these will always be close to us but something happens in our life, it gets turned off in our minds and we never saw it coming. It starts slowly then without knowing when, you are in this deep, dark room of depression, perhaps addicted to drugs or alcohol to numb the intense pain.

You are not yourself anymore. You hurt yourself as well as others, be it family or friends. You use them to get your next fix on your addiction. You spiral down this dark abyss and slowly stop seeing the light.

Sometimes, all is takes to get your heart and soul back into your life, is to reach out to the hand that is there to help you take a step up. Talk to someone who can help you see where the changes need to be made. Talk to someone about what had happened that got you where you are. Learn to overcome the pain and to feel again.

Life is truly amazing when we take the time to see it. And part of life is having bad things happen. BUT the choice is yours to do something about it so that it does not affect you adversely.

You are truly special and you need to learn and know that. You are strong and wise. Sing your song with vigor. Dance your dance with reckless abandonment. Listen in wonder to the stories around you. Meditate to hear the silence that can comfort and soothe your mind and soul when needed.