Eat Pray Love

I love the book. I love the movie. I love the soundtrack. To me, there is not one thing bad about the journey that this woman took and then wrote about.

Sure, she is a jounalist and was easily able to write the book and get it published but what happen to her, happen inside of her. She shared her personal journey with us so that perhaps we can find our own path in finding our balance.

This movie is getting a lot of negative talk from those who just don't get it. I do. I get it so much, it hurts. I did a lot of the things she did and worried about things that don't matter. And the negative will continue but I say let it. It is just from those who cannot face what's inside them and find their balance in life. It is not about meditation. It's about letting go; finding peace, finding balance... finding your passion... finding you.

It's hard to quote the movie because almost all the lines have a message. I went to see the movie a couple times now and am thinking of going again. I cannot wait for it to come to DVD so I can dowload it.

There are few movies that touch me as deeply as this one has. It reflected a lot of what I went through and am going through still. But with the right guides and teachers in your life, you learn to go on the path of balance. You learn to quiet the chaos in your mind and find balance within. You learn what love truly is and what peace is.

There are a lot of people who don't believe in meditation but it has helped me so much that I cannot give it enough praise. I am not saying that we all have to sit down and meditate but find something that can create the balance.

If you can face your demons, know that there is balance in an inbalanced world and have an open heart and soul, this movie is for you.

And I keep saying this to everyone but Javier Bardem... OMG, just so damn yummylicious! Wow! Ok, let me drool for just a few minutes. LOL!

This song came from the movie and it surprised me because Eddie Vedder is always known to write dark and shadow-filled songs. This one is absolutely beautiful, singing about his connection to the Universe and I cannot give it enough praise. And Eddie has a great voice that I love; gritty, edgy yet soft and soothing.

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do and listen to the lyrics. Amazing!

The Light in me honors the Light in you.

True Love Loses Another to Heaven

A few years ago, a nurse friend of mine sent me this story that I really love and always cherished because it is the kind of love we all attain to.

An elderly gentleman was at the doctor's office for an appointment but seemed to be in a rush, wanting to leave to go visit his wife who had Alzheimer's.

The nurse, being overworked was losing patience with him with his constant questioning of when the doctor will be in, ask him what the rush was. He replied that he likes to be the one to feed his wife dessert because she is happy then. She says without thinking, what would matter if it is you or a nurse since she won't know you? He smiles this deep, secret smile, glances at the nurse and pats her hand as he speaks.

"She may not remember me but I remember her and how much she gave to me throughout our marriage. This is something small that I can return to her to show her how much I love her and appreciates her. She is my sweetheart and I would be lost without her."

The nurse had to turn away because she had tears in her eyes. She tells the gentleman that she will see what is keeping the doctor and will rush him so that he can go to the home to be with his wife.

Turns out that the story was something that happen to my friend's friend and she had to forward it to us as it was a reminder that no matter if one forgets, the other always remembers when it comes to true love. My parents had that kind of love and I am often envious that my mother knows how it feels to have that.

I am at a wake yesterday with my mom. Hide (pronounced hee-day) was one of the oldest family friend that I recall. She and her family came into my life when I was about 2 years old. Her husband and my dad were both in the Navy and were buddies, so it was easy for my mom and her to become friends, both being Japanese in a foreign land. Hide and Martin were a little older than my parent; she would have been 85 while Martin will be 80, both their birthdays in October. They have two kids and I see them as extended siblings. Anna is 5 years older than I and Martin, Jr is 3 years older.

Anna, Jr and I got to go down Memory Lane yesterday at the wake and with the laughter, there were also lots of tears. It hasn't hit them yet but I am sure it will when they will bury Hide this Thursday in a private ceremony.

About 6 years ago, we all started to notice that she could not remember things or would repeat stuff she just said. My dad was worried and told them so they went in and got the diagnosis. Hide had Alzheimer's and would start to forget things and people, they were told. To compound the issue, they found that she had a heart problem as well. A year after that, my dad passed and she was still able to remember him and was there to bid him fairwell.

Life seem to go on normally the first couple years for her but there were moments when Martin would be doing dishes, look to the couch and not see her, would go looking to find her in the middle of the street wandering around.

He is a second degree black belt in Aikido, has been in the art for almost 50 years and still teaches. He had to actually get a "sitter" for the days he taught classes and the person he hired would lose her while doing chores for them and would find her in the middle of the street as Martin did, so for her safety, they made that choice to put her in a home. It was a hard one for him because they were still in love with one another but it was to the point that it was dangerous for her so to protect her, he did what he had to do.

He lives down the street from me so there were times I would go over to check on him and visit, he would be near tears, missing her terribly and I always thought, this is the kind of love I want. To be missed that much when I wasn't around. He was always smiling when he was with her and it was refreshing to see them together.

My parents and they used to do a lot of lunches and dinners together until my dad passed. Since we knew of Hide's disease, it became less often that they could go out and when they did, I would fill in for my dad and hang with my mom and them. It was nice for me as it created more memories to hold.

Yesterday was her wake even though she had passed almost two weeks ago. We are sitting with a group of us talking, when Martin joins us. My mom tells him how lucky Hide was to have him and how much she admires him for taking such good care of Hide all these years.

With tears rolling down his face, he shakes his head and said, "No, Ritsu, I was the lucky one. Of all the people in this world, she picked me. She picked me to be her husband, her best friend and the father of our crazy, wonderful kids. I love her and I always will. Even in the end when she didn't know me because of her disease, I still knew in the beginning, it was always me. She picked me."

Hearing that, we all were diving for the box of tissue and I admired how easily he said those words. How he knew that not everyone had that chance of true love and that he had gotten it. He appreciated it and savored it.

They would have been married 56 years this year and he said, now she just has to wait for him to join so they can continue their journey of love. Now that is true love.

You are with Buddha now, Hide. Be in peace and without pain.

Nammyohorengekkyo.

Good Times!

I am heading to my sister's house near the city, on a main street when I notice to my right that a cop is pointing to me to pull over. Yeah, never had a ticket in my life and I am thinking, what have I done that he is pulling me over.

I am in the left lane of three lanes of traffic and the only way to pull over is to take a left at the next light, I turn when I can and pull over.

I turn my car off and wait for him to walk over. He asks me to put my hands on the steering wheel so he can see them, which I do and wonder if this cop is losing it by how stern he was talking. Then things get crazier...

He starts asking me if I have drugs in my car; any alcoholic beverages in my car (um, NO, just Chai tea); when the last time I have done drugs; and when was the last time I had done Jello shots... OK, that was the weirdest... then starts to ask about having the Jello shots and if I had gotten drunk on them.

OK, this is getting out of hand so I turn to look out at him and he starts laughing... OMG, I know that damn cop!  Curtis!  I jump out, smack him and then give him a huge hug!

Yes, I jumped out of my car in the middle of traffic. Yes, I smacked a cop in front of everyone. And yes, I gave him a hug. I am sure we made a sight to everyone driving by but I hadn't seen him in years and had no idea he was a cop. There we were in traffic, catching up on the news of of each other. It was so great to see him and we made plans to meet back up before I move to CT at the end of the year, so I can meet his new wife and kids.

He had to go to a domestic disturbance and I had to get to my sister's so we split up and made our way to our destinations. Funny how we met up again... and yes, Jello shots were at his party like 15 years ago and we had gotten wasted on them.  Memories!  Good times!

Lessons Learned

I haven't been writing much lately due to the change in my job situation and the transition job I have gone into. Talk about busy... watch what you ask for. Countdown has begun and I have 2 months before I leave my current company due to the layoffs unless I can find another job before then. If not, Connecticut, here I come!  LOL

These past few weeks have been interesting and brings the gift of lessons once more. I have written letters and emails to people to thank them for coming in or passing through my life  and giving those gifts to me. I have also severed ties with some who bring nothing but drama and take my energy away with their facades of frienship. Yes, in a way they are giving me a gift to learn how to deal with those types of people but at the same token, I am the most important person in my life and I have to take care of me first to be and do the best I can so the best course of action is to let go. I have also have had old friends return and we are now standing on more stable grounds and have good relationships.

Having lost our closest family friend this week made me melancholy for times when I was most happiest throughout my life. Times when I was a child and didn't have a care in the world. The happier times of my marriage when I felt like I was being cared for and loved. Meeting and getting to know the one man that showed me what love truly is for the first time in my life and finally knowing that feeling of completeness with someone.

With the good, we have to take the bad or the sad for that is how life is. How can we ever know how good we have it, if we don't experience how bad or sad life can be? Not everything lasts no matter who many promises are made. Life changes. I grew up. My marriage ended. I don't have that one man in my life anymore but alas, more lessons that have given me strength and courage to take on harder things in life and to search for the one person I was meant to be with.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that my mom called me and said that a family friend had died. I told my daughter and best friend about it then let it go even though it bothered me a great deal. The last time I had a dream like that was many years ago and it had come true. One of my dad's friends had passed. I am not happy to know this one came to fruition as well but she had Alzheimer's and a bad heart problem so it was only time before she was gone.  She was in her early 80s so she lived a good, long life and went in her sleep. The way I think most of us want to go. As someone once said, we just go into forever sleep. I like that now.

Unfortunately, here I am awake early as always on a Saturday, after a week of overtime (27 hours) so yeah, I am burnt. But my mind is going on overdrive so I had to stop to meditate, do some yoga and lastly, write to get it out.

As life changes, we change with it and hopefully all that we have learned takes us on the path in a better direction than we were on. We meet people along the way to give us these lessons or to be that support and comfort during the lessons. Some days, we feel supported and surrounded by love and others, we feel alone and isolated.  All valid feelings to hold close.

I think people are scared to think of or face the bad or sad times in their lives so they hide from it. It does come back over and over so many turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the feeling. Or find a person to hide behind to avoid the truth of themselves because they cannot look in the mirror and know they are not genuine with others or to themselves. That, in turn, causes major stress all the time because they don't deal with it. To know it is absolutely ok to be weak and not have a clue is something that needs to be taught growing up. I know that we are always taught to be a certain way and that we can only show our happy faces.  Bull shit! I taught my daughter that all feelings are valid because I don't want her to go through her life thinking she has to be happy all the time. That is not reality. Reality is much tougher and not as kind as we would like it to be.

I am closing in on the 50 year mark but I know that I still have a lot to learn and I really want to learn all I can about people, life and circumstances. I meet all kinds of people from different countries and lifestyles in my business and I absolutely love it. It opens you up to change, to new ideas and not get stuck in one thing, music type or ideal.

Life is about all the lessons we learn and how we use it to change us to move forward in our lives. Let the bad happen so you can appreciate the good. Let the sad happen so you can appreciate the happy. Just be open to it all and you will expand your mind, your heart and most important, your soul.

The light in my honors the light in you.

Love Neverending

I get to my mom's and we sit to talk as we always do and she tells me about a story that I had never heard. Just so you know, my mom is sitting across from me as I write this so she can tell the story again as I type and ask questions to clarify info.

My aunt, her sister 11 years older, never married. That I knew or I thought I knew.

She was engaged when she was very young to the bike shop owner's son, known to be quite handsome. For reasons unknown to this day, my grandmother decided the wedding would not take place and broke my aunt's heart. At that point, WWII took over Japan and life was disrupted. When their home was bombed, they had to regroup and that was when my aunt left.

My mom saw her sister from time to time but not like when they lived together. My aunt was extremely beautiful and never lacked the company of men. She always had boyfriends and when she would meet someone, it was instant adoration and love they felt for her. I guess there was something about her that pulled the men in. She had that special spark about her.

As much as she attracted men to her, in particular, she attracted the married men. They would leave their wives and children to be with her. Some lasted a few years and one in particular lasted over 20 years.

She finally thought she found the one man she would marry but in the end, he died of a heart attack in the middle of having sex with another woman. The police knocked on her door at their home and asked her to come to identify his body at a motel as that woman had taken off without telling anyone. No one ever knew who she was or where she went. That did it for my aunt and she returned home to help my grandmother run the hotel they had at that time.

Because my aunt never lacked the company of men, she met someone while she was home but he was 20 years younger and they started dating seriously. That lasted for some time but she had guys chasing her still and she had her way with them until my grandmother had stroke. At that time, she stopped dating and took care of her mom. That was in my early teens and I had gotten to know her well. She would get up, take care of her mom all day and the hotel and then at night, if I was there, we would talk for a bit then go to sleep to start the process all over the next day.

When my grandmother passed away, she was 52, unmarried and alone. I remember that time vividly. My mother was 41 and I was 14. It was weird to go visit the family home and not see my grandmother. Soon after that, she started to started to date again and since we had moved back to the US the next year, my mom kept in touch sporadically and when she would go back home to visit.

Around 1987, my aunt noticed her thumb would move on its own and when she had tests done, she found out that she had Parkinson's. She continue to live in the same house but life slowed down for her.

My mom went to visit her one day and being that it was the family home, she walked right in, announcing herself loudly to let her sister know she was there. My mom had noticed a bike outside the house but thought it was a delivery boy or someone else. When she got inside an older gentleman was coming out towards the front door to leave. He passed my mom and they exchanged greetings and mom went in.

My aunt's disease had taken a hold of her at this time but she seemed to be happy. She asked my mom if she had seen the bike's shop's son but mom didn't correlate the the older man she passed at the entry to the young guy she knew in her youth. It took a few but she realized they were the same person. My aunt had bumped into him and they became friends again. My aunt never married when that engagement was broken, she found out that he too, never married.

In life, I suppose you live your path and when that path is broken, it can take you down a different road you were meant to live. I think in her case, she was hurt and angry when she was expecting her life to be a certain way that to protect herself she went with men who were safe; the married ones. Remember, this was a time before WWII and arranged marriages and marriages were approved by the parents or it didn't happen.

In the end, she was back with her true love and when she died, she was able to at least know he never married because the right girl was never found after her.

I think they represent that true love does last and can last over a whole lifetime with that one even if you cannot be with them.

It was a great story for me to hear about my favorite aunt and I hope they both are happy together wherever they are now.