Beautiful Evening

Ever sit down at the right moment and something wonderful happens? Well, it happened twice for me this early evening.

A beautiful sunset for me to enjoy and a call from an old friend in NYC, that I hadn't heard from in a couple years. It was so good to hear his voice and catch up with what is going on these days.

Hope you are all having a wonderful evening. I am. This is from my kitchen window. Love the colors.

Time for a Change

It's will be my 50 birthday a month from today and with such a momentous facet in one's life, it gives thought to what has been done thus far and how much more there is to still do. I still have time... I hope.

Losing my dad almost 6 years ago, made me realize that life is truly short and there is a lot of life to still live because we never know when the end reaches its hands out to enfold us.

With modern medicine, it is assumed it is safe to undergo a routine heart surgery. When we wake up, our health and life is better and we get a second chance to do more with the time we are given. With my dad, that was not the case. He went in and instead of waking him up after the surgery was completed, they kept him under for 4 days. His heart was one of the worse the surgeon had ever seen in his career. Chemo and radiation did some major damage when dad had cancer 8 years prior. But the day came when he was woken and he looked good. What we didn't know was that in less than two weeks, he would be gone and three weeks later, we would be laying him to rest. September 10 is always a hard day to get through. Yes, there is more to the story but perhaps another time.

Ultimately, it's all about time, isn't it? We have to make the best of all we have and cherish the people in our lives. There is still time to find more adventures, see new places and meet many new people. And to find love again. Yes, that would be the nice, wouldn't it?

With those thoughts, I've been going back and forth about consolidating all my blogs to one place as I have several in different places. My thought is to change the URL link here (as I am able to), remove any personal information like my profile and changing the title so I can continue to write anonymously. Yes, my friends, that means that when you come to the current link, it will be gone and searching for me by blog title or my name will not yield any results.

With that said, I wanted to let you know how appreciative I am for having you support and follow my journey, whether you agreed with me or not. It has been an interesting ride, especially the last 6 years and I look forward with excitement and anticipation to what is to come, where I go and who is there beside me.

If you come by and the page is closed or gone, please know that I finally made the decision of what I want to do. I think it's time now; time for a change.

With my deepest gratitude,
Ann

In Memory

Definitely a surreal feeling, standing in this spot, taking the picture, knowing what had happened on September 11, 2001 and how many lives were lost in mere minutes. Very humbling and overwhelming, emotionally.

Posted via iPhone.

True American Hero

We all know one. Quiet, unassuming and going about their lives without fanfare.

My father was one of those. He gave 42 years of his life to the military without needing acknowledgement for what he did. He was like John Wayne in a cowboy movie. Came in, did the job and left without people knowing who he was except the ones that he touched. That is the epitome of a true American Hero.

I am one of the luckier ones and grew up knowing so many of them. My dad's military buddies who did what he did and went about their daily lives with their families and friends. My friends' fathers who did the same while we grew up in military installations, thinking that this is a normal life. How little we knew or appreciated that we lived with that Hero every day. He was just daddy.

When my dad passed in 2005, I had to go through all his paperwork for my mom and I found a letter to him, presenting him with a Bronze Star. He never mentioned he had gotten one. In fact, he never requested for it, which you have to do. That was my dad. He didn't need the accolade or the acclamation for doing his job; he just did it and did it well. He did it for the love for and from his wife and his three girls.

When he retired from the military after 20 years, it was without a huge party and decoration from the military. He did what he had to do and went about finding a civil service job and continued his work with the military. When he retired from that, my mom threw him a elegant and quiet party at my friend's winery. It was just family and close friends; mostly his military buddies and wives.

Why do I bring all this up? Because we all meet and know those zealots who served in the military for a very short time yet push that fact into people's faces as if they are owed some acknowledgement or attention. It shows their immaturity and lack of class, in my humble opinion. It shows that what they did in the military was just a stepping stone to get the attention as a Veteran and use it to their full advantage, whether they deserve it or not. Obviously, they are the ones that lack the strength or courage to continue as they didn't re-enlist. To me, it mars what the quiet brave men and women did and do for our country, day in and day out.

Don't tell me how to be a Patriot in this country. Don't throw our flag into my face as if I don't know what it means. Hell, my birthday is in the same week as the Fourth of July so I know what it means, every year! I was born into it, grew up with it and lived it my whole life. It is with quiet admiration that I show the military personnel my gratitude. When I thank them, I don't do it in public and make a scene but in private to let them know that how much I appreciate what they do and thank them for being who they are. I listen to their story so that I can learn something more.

I don't wear shirts to show that I support an organization but I donate or volunteer to it. I don't spout words of injustice to people to create attention or fear. I just do my part, if I can, to make a change.

In celebration for the upcoming Memorial Day, my heart and prayers go out to those who lost a loved one during their tenure in the military and to those who passed after serving their whole lives. Love and light.

Spirituality is Sexy

It is interesting to me but when people hear the word spirituality, it conjures the thought of Buddhists, meditation, wellness or wholeness and a myriad of "holy" or "sacred" thoughts but sex never comes into the equation; especially to those who follow a Christian-based religion.

It was an interesting topic and it is what came up while we were talking at dinner tonight.

Come on... are you going to tell me you never heard of the Kama Sutra or Tantra? Ah! Now, you get it. So did he, when I explained that. I think I got his attention after that. LOL!

They are two of many different forms of foreplay that blends spirituality with sexuality. It melds the two people together so they feel more than lust or sexual tension but deeper connection with their souls as their bodies join in sexual union.

It is said that the mind is the biggest sexual organ in the body and it is true. You can entice someone by stimulating their minds and once that happens, their body naturally follows willingly.

My degree is in Psychology but the emphasis is on human sexuality as that controls a lot of what people do and how they act and it has always interest me. I used to write erotica and had a huge following around the world so I have experience with knowing how to stimulate a person's mind sensually and sexually with just mere words.

My companion said that he could not fathom thinking of being spiritual while having sex. You just didn't think "holy" thoughts because as it is technically a sin to have sex outside of marriage or for pleasure, in the Christian-based religions. It is funny how the religion instills guilt about something as natural as sex.

I told him it is normally done with someone you are in a solid, loving relationship with and it is used to enhance that outside of sex. You have to know the person well, know how they think and how open they would be to trying new things. It frees you from restraints and strengthens bonds between the two people.

Next time you hear the word spirituality, know that there are those who are feeling it hundreds time more intensely than one would, having "regular" sex. It is long, slow, lots of fun and requires a lot of attention to detail when you allow yourself to open up to try this.

It is true sensuality, at its best. Have a try and see how different it is with your partner. Be sure to give yourself a lot of time and have no interruptions. There are many web sites to give you guidance on how to get started and the different positions with the Kama Sutra and with tantric sex.

Come on, peeps! It is time to bring sexy back to spirituality.

Slow Down

Life is really short, in terms of our time here in the Universe so it makes me wonder why we rush through it to get to the end... and where would that be? Oh, yeah, right... our deaths.

I guess that is one of the reasons why I moved from Cali to CT. The fast-paced life of Silicon Valley was getting to me and I wanted to slow things down and take life easier so that I can enjoy my short stay here. Rejuvenate my spirit, if you will. Reconnect with people and really enjoy each and every one of our moments together, whether face to face, phone or online video chats.

One of the things I learned is that when we rush through life, we tend to make mistakes; whether it be a project at work, a situation in life or a relationship with someone, because we are not focused and giving it our full attention that it deserves.

At work, we have emails and phone calls to contend with as well as getting our work done. There are always work place drama queens or kings that try to pull you in. A situation in life can take you off course and by not giving it your full attention, it can slide out of control. When you don't give the person you are with your full attention and focus when it is needed, that relationship is doomed to fail.

We have become a society of instant gratification and our kids are growing up thinking that is how life is. They want something and they get it. Parents have lost their patience in being a parent. it is easier to just give in rather than teach them to learn patience and doing the work for it.  In the end, it affects those kids. How hard is it going to be for them when they go out to the "real" world and find that it is quite the opposite. What an eye-opener it will be for them and how fast they get the awakening.

I think that is why I love knitting and crocheting. It takes time to create something. I have to work at it, slowly and steadily as not to make a mistake. I have to create it, stitch by stitch but eventually, it becomes a hat, scarf, sweater or whatever it is I am making at the time. It is slow and meticulous but in the end, the finished product makes it worthwhile. I hadn't really done a lot in the last few years but I took them both back up the last year and it has helped me to slow down and be in the moment. If we all took our time for the important things, we can minimize our mistakes. Give it our full attention and focus. Give it our all.

We don't take the time to be with people, one on one and give them our full attention. Take the time to turn off your phone while you are with them as to give them the respect they deserve by being there fully. Listen to what they say, not just hear the words. Stop thinking ahead of what you are going to say. Look into their eyes as they speak. See them clearly right there in front of you and not look around the room.

One of the things I noticed at the gym is that people are addicted to their phones. Sure, the policy is not to have their phones while they work out but it is not enforced. What a dis-service it is to themselves by not giving their full attention to their work out. Their phone rings or they get a text, they immediately are on it. It cracks me up but also makes me sad that they cannot give themselves the respect and time to just be alone with their workout. They don't get that the world will be there when they finish.

There are also times it is not about doing anything but about doing nothing. The Italians have a saying... il dulce far niente... the sweetness of doing nothing.

We need to take a page out of their book and rewrite our own. Taking the time for you; time to do nothing. Nothing but enjoy the sweet smell and taste of your warm cup of coffee as you sit on your comfy couch, listening to the ticking of the clock. Hearing the silence around you as you rest and breath slowly while you meditate. Savoring the taste of that warm cookie you are having with your tea, nibble by nibble. Watching the clouds float by slowly as you lay on the grass on a warm sunny day with a cool breeze across your face. Enjoying the sound of the rain outside your window as you watch the drops fall from the sky. Being on a high hill overlooking a spectacular view and just taking it in. Sitting on a dock by the ocean and watching the waves roll in.

When life is passing by so quickly, isn't time to slow down and savor all that life has around you, from time to time, so that you can enjoy your part of it in the Universe?

Happiness

Happiness.

I sent an email to the kids I have a program with, to let them know that the topic of our call would be happiness. They were to think about the word and to define what it meant to them.

When we got on the call, the questions below were asked from various kids, almost as soon as everyone was on. They didn't associate themselves with that word. Happiness came when they got something nice on their birthdays or they accidentally got a freebie from the store. 

Why happiness? How does it really feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? Is there a price to pay for happiness?

I wrote them down on the online board and had each kid ponder each question and to come up with their own answers.

When it got quiet, I said, "being happy is a choice. Yes, a choice. You choose to be happy or you choose to be miserable. Take it or leave it."

They all spoke at once and all denying those statements. I had to stop them ask why they think that.

Number one answer? "Because that is what we are not taught. We are taught that happiness comes from outside. Someone makes us happy. A thing makes us happy. We don't make ourselves happy."

I asked when was the last time they felt happy. I mean, deep down, get up in the morning with a smile and ready to take on the day, no one can change how you feel because it come from inside, happy.


Silence. I mean, absolute silence.


So, I tapped on the board and said, read these again. Why happiness? How does it feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? I said, you guys are 16, 17 or 18. You don't want to be on your deathbed and realize what it is and then start living, do you?

We all agreed that it is a feeling inside of us. It makes the world feel right. But I got another question of, why does it come and go then?

I asked if anyone was happy with who they are. I mean truly happy.

Again, silence. Mind you, some of these kids go to the high school that has seen a few suicides in the last couple of years so I know that there are lots of issues dealing with those deaths and perhaps more deeply, issues within the kids that are not at the surface but brewing just below.

I told them that happiness comes only from within. No one can give it to you. No one can buy it for you. No one can get it for you. Only you can find that happiness from within because of who you are. It is about having pride with yourself. Not for your status or money but for your value as a human. Your accomplishments that affect only you. Like taking care of yourself with good eating and exercise. Like being a good friend to others without expecting anything back. It's about doing things that make your soul lift you higher than you have been before.

They started to get where I was going and their thoughts came out.

So, if I do something for someone and they don't know and never will but I feel good. That is happiness?

Yes, I answered.

If I feel good about myself, then it would automatically make me happy? Like when I work out at the gym for months and finally lose the weight?

Of course, I said. It is the pride of accomplishment that you did something for yourself to be healthy. When you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside. People see a glow from you.

You can be happy even in bad circumstances. We all know kids that are not being taken care of by their parents so it can affect their psyche but again, it is a choice whether that kid will draw strength from it and be happy, regardless or to use it as a weapon to attack others in negativity. 

So, what you are saying is that when someone gives you a gift and it makes you happy, then it is not true happiness?

Not necessarily. It feels good to feel cared for and loved and when someone gives you a nice gift from their heart, it makes you feel good. It is part happiness and part love. True happiness does not have a price. You pull it out of yourself. You can share it but you cannot give it out.

Happiness is a double-edged sword. You can do so much for people but they can throw it back into your face because they don't know that feeling of true happiness. Because they don't know what it is, they tend to choose to be negative and miserable. And you know the saying... misery likes company.

The conversation was interesting so I wanted to share; perhaps see what your thoughts are that I may take it back to the kids this week on our call. Feel free to email me.

Are you truly happy? Do you choose it?

Give it some thought.

I am off to the gym as it makes me happy to do something good for me!

Ciao a tutti!

Anger

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~ Buddha

These words got me through a lot in the last year and it is with that thought that I live life, knowing it is not worth holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people. The only person that gets burned would be me so I find ways to let go and forget about it.

Going through my finals for my PhD in Psych was cathartic and it helped me to understand human nature, more intimately. I am not one to actually hold a grudge these days but in my younger days, I did have a temper. Once it flared though, it burned out fast and easy; poof, gone. What I learned in school was eye-opening about anger and grudges. Also how to express oneself constructively as not to hurt yourself or the other person, or so we hope.

What I learned was that when a person is easy to anger, hold grudges or ignore people when they are wrong, their true nature is immaturity. They haven't grown up enough to face the truth so they lash out at those who may put a mirror up. It shows their lack of strength to grow from experiences. They can dish it out but they cannot take it and they will show you anger faster than a bullet coming towards you.

One of our projects was to write down all the times we can recall doing exactly all those. Going through that process was a hard thing; I wrote things from my younger years more than my recent past but they all still had the power to make me cringe when I thought about them.

That project made me think about who I am and how I reflect towards others. How I react and how responsible I am for my actions. Ultimately, what happened was that I opened my eyes and saw a situation that I was being blind to. I had to act on it, step away from it and let it go. But I had to clean up my mess and apologize for my part in it. You know, being the mature, responsible person, no matter how much it hurt.

I was pulled into a friendship with someone who is an attention whore (my professor's lingo), needing approval all the time, needing to be right all the time, and worse of all, she was loud, crude and obnoxious.

I thought I saw something in her that showed her true self but in the end, I was wrong. I admit it. I was wrong about what I saw. She is exactly as everyone warned me she was but she was a great actress and was damn good at wearing the mask of "spirituality" and "goodness" to cover it. She says a lot of good things but the truth is that she doesn't live it; at all. It took me 3 years but I finally saw through to her; her true self was that immature, self-loathing, hurtful person I came to know. It did hurt but it made me angry, too; angrier than I have ever been in a very long time. I gave her a lot of my time, emotion, trust and friendship. I never said anything to her. There was no need as she will do and say what she wants.

That is when I had to step back and take a hard look at my part in it. My actions were not inline with how I want people to see me, so I had to apologize for covering for her. Her ex-husband, who happened to be a friend of mine for almost 20 years, her sister and her sister's sister-in-law. It was one of the hardest thing to do but I did it. I had to face the responsibility for what I did.

It is said that imitation is the best form of flattery. I realize in hind sight, that I am who I am and I have something that other women wished they did and that is why they copy me. I am not being arrogant, just honest. I am not sorry that I exude a certain sexuality and passion that attracts men. It is what it is. I can accept it as part of me and I realize it makes me special; my gift, if you will. I have come to love that about myself.

Women trying to be like me used to irk me but now it makes me smile or even giggle. It is just sad to see very poor imitations of me. What makes me who I am comes from the inside and no one can replicate or imitate it. My essence is mine. My message to them is to learn to find their own style that goes along with their inside. Trying to be someone else never works and people see through it quickly.

So, having gotten over all the anger in my life, it feels good to live a clean, healthy and much more spiritual life without external distractions messing me up on the inside. I have fun meeting people and enjoy my time with them.

If you have been holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people, think about why? Is it worth it? Who wins in the end? Not you, that is for sure.

Let it go and let the stress of the anger go as well. I promise, you will feel so much better about any situation as well as about yourself. It will also promote a longer life. Did you know that happy people live a happier, longer life? Well, they do!

Road Trip

One of my memorable pictures from our road trip from Cali to CT. Coming out of Rock Springs, WY around 6:00-6:30 am. What a view and what a way to start our morning out. It was amazing to see that and it made the trip something more to remember.

Friday, the 13th

The day has always induced fear in many people as well as created movies to draw on those fears. People hear the words, Friday, the 13th and start pulling out their crucifix, rabbit's foot and any other sacred trinket to keep them safe.

Despite all that, it has always been a good luck day for me, even though it is considered the most unluckiest day in the year. I guess having my dad and my youngest sister's birthdays on the 13th (today is her 45th), it has always brought me luck. Another fun date with my new friend was another testament to that. Healthy dinner and dessert was wonderful.

Personally, I think that superstitions are what you make them. Since I always thought of the day as a good luck day, it always ends up being that way for me and I have come to expect that. It never fails me; mind over matter. It really does work.

You can get more info on Friday, the 13th, to find out its history.

By the way, Triskaidekaphobia, is the fear of the number 13 and associated with the fear of Friday, the 13th.

Hope your Friday, the 13th, was a wonderful day with lots of good fun.

Ending my evening with a great book, The Pale King by David Foster Wallace, that an author friend on Facebook talked about. He said he doesn't recommend it to everyone because of its intensity but he liked it. I figured that in the past, he had recommended a few books to his brother and his brother, in turn, had recommended them to me, it would be a book I would like. It is so splurging with a glass of wine and getting back to it on my Kindle (which I LOVE!) But if you want to call and chat or text me, I don't mind, either!  I guess that was for those of you who have my number. LOL!

The author writes True Crime and does an amazing job. You can follow him on Facebook. I have read all his books and highly recommend any of them.

Ch ch ch changes...

That David Bowie song came on the radio as I was driving to my lunch date with this guy I met at the gym. It made me smile because I am doing so many things that are different than I did in the past. Lots of changes.

I was still smiling when we met and he asked me what was up. So I told him a little about my journey of the past few years. 

Me working out as much as I am... I haven't done that in over 15 years when I used to run a fitness center and even then it was half-assed. I mean, I am working out 2-3 hours every day and actually enjoying it. Love how my body gets sore and fatigued but how I can push through it and do more. Keeping track of what I eat and drink (yes, very little vino these days) and I love how it makes me feel.

The last time I loved working out this much was when I was swimming back in my youth. I think when it turned on me was when I went to the Junior Olympics and placed second place in the 400 yard backstroke. I didn't view that in the right way back then and it kind of took the fun out of swimming and working out after that.

I think about it now and think... I mean, come on... I was in the Junior Olympics and I placed second! What an amazing experience I had yet I didn't enjoy it because I placed second.

Hind sight is 20/20 but it is the things like that, that make you rethink your life and had I had the tools back then that I have today, I would have made better choices.

A few years back, after not dating for almost 10 years, I gave love another chance. What happened? I got burned pretty bad so I pulled back. And waited... waited for what, I could not tell you but I did. Maybe it was time to heal; time to talk to people to get the tools I needed to get through that ordeal. What made it worse then was that I was going through full blown menopause and didn't even realize it until after the fact. The hormones do some wonderfully evil things to your body and your mind. But, it is what it is.

And it was too late to rectify or resolve anything between us because it was not what it was supposed to be. I thought it was a lifelong friendship but in fact, it was just someone bored, using another person to humor himself to get the attention of his girlfriend that he kept breaking up with and getting back together (not that I knew until after the fact). He finally got what he wanted. I hope she gets the wedding ring she seeks because that is all she wants from him; commitment for a lifetime. Bless them both for trying in the name of love.

In all the changes I made recently, besides moving and living in an area with no family and little friends, working as a journalist and working out, I decided to give love another chance again. Open the door and let people in. See where it goes and not put any expectation on anything and more importantly, on anybody. Just live in the moment and enjoy. Now that is a huge change for me.

The date? It went very well and we are fast becoming friends. It's all good. I need more friends around here.

What changes can you make to spice up your life? Are there things you dreamed of doing and hold back? Ask yourself why. Life is truly short and you don't want to be on your deathbed, looking back and realizing that you never really live but only existed.

Dream big, then go out and make it happen!

Words of Wisdom

Our minds are a powerful tool. It can make or break how we think, feel and treat ourselves as well as other. We can convince ourselves of our worth or our lack there of. Our minds can take control of how we live your lives.

It is really important to give yourself affirmations of positive words and thoughts so that your mind can start to change. What your mind thinks, your body follows. What I mean is that if you feel stuck in this life, you will be. You start to hide behind drugs, alcohol and even food, to ease the pain or numb it. It can take you to a darker place because we have convince ourselves that we are in a dark place.

We can be bogged down by negative thoughts and hide away from everyone so that we don't need to deal. In that way, we already set ourselves up to fail before even trying. We convince ourselves that we are not good enough or not loved enough and play the victim. We blame others and eventually, the only person we hurt is ourselves.

The more times we think and say the positive words, the more it sinks into our subconscious mind. Eventually, there is nothing else it can believe except the good things that it is receiving.

I am loved. I am loving. I am good. I am courageous. I am beautiful. I am amazing. I am strong. I am kind. I am forgiving. I am honorable. I am loyal. I can overcome anything. I can do anything. I am powerful. I control my life. I control my destiny.

Can you imagine if you said those words, every day, a few times a day, for a month? Eventually, your mind stops, notices the difference in the words and changes your "normal" way of dark thinking to this "new" light way and then it becomes your normal way of thinking.

You can wake up every day knowing it will be another amazing day to live life fully. To find yourself where you want to be. To find the person you were meant to share your life with. To know you mean something in this world. To make a difference in someone's life.

What words of wisdom would you want to pass on to inspire others to make that change in their minds and in their hearts?

Boys' Day

For most Americans, they have gotten used to celebrating the Mexican Independence Day, Cinco de Mayo but for my family and many other Japanese families, we celebrate Boys' Day.

Just like Girls' Day on March 3rd, Boys' Day on May 5th, is to celebrate and honor the boys of our culture. In 1948, the government changed both holidays and now call it Children's Day but old habits die hard with parents that grew up in the era of change and they passed on the knowledge of the original holidays.

To celebrate, the homes that had boys would fly these fish flags called Koinobori. Koi is carp and and nobori means to climb (Chinese legend that a carp that swims upstream becomes a dragon and the way the flags blow in the wind looks like they are swimming). The top black fish represents the father of the house and then how ever many fishes under it represented how many boys the father has.

In the house, many would also display the kabuto, which is the helmet worn by samurai in the old days as well as the uniform, as shown below.

Kampai (cheers) to the boys!

It's Inside

You always hear that if you are searching for an answer, look within. It's true but most people do not understand that concept. They think they do but they continue to look for what they seek externally and it hinders their growth.

We ask for advice from others but not take it because it doesn't feel right. That feeling of doubt is your soul speaking to you, telling you that it is not the right answer.

It is hard to trust your internal voice because we were not raised to do that but it really is more trustworthy than searching externally. You know you the best and you know what the answer is before you ask the question. You just got into the habit of denying it because that is all you have been taught to do.

When something is bothering you, take some time to stop, sit down in a quiet place and allow the answer to come through. Usually the first thing that pops up is the most accurate and reliable. Gut feeling, so to speak.

It will be hard, at first, because you will feel like nothing is coming through but with continued practice, eventually, you will get that feeling that what your thoughts are, are the answers you seek.

Additionally, you may not get an answer the way you think. It may not come through in your mind but as you ask a question, your soul may want to give you a visual and send a "sign" to you to see. Be observant of your surroundings and you may realize that the same kinds of pictures pass you often. There is your sign.

How many times in the past you thought of something when asked and you let that gut feeling go and it turned out to be right? I was reminded a few years ago that you should always trust your gut feeling. I assure you, these days, I live with that all the time now and it has steered me in the right direction.

We tend to second guess our answers and not go with that thought. Usually what happens is that we get off course and find that we are lost. You are your best tour guide in life and it is always best to get the answers from within, first. That way, you keep yourself on your path and you find that each day becomes easier to get through.

It really is inside you.

Current Event

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy."

Jessica Dovey, Penn State grad living in Kobe, Japan

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Going Back

Things happen in life that make you wonder if you can go back. Back to an old job, back to an old place or back to an old flame.

The last two have come into play for me in my life and I acted on one and have not regretted my decision.

I like where I have moved to and making a lot of positive changes in my life. I am much more healthier than I have been in years and love how I feel mentally, physically and spiritually.

Then... boom! An old flame from 20 years ago returns. We talked for hours recently, catching up on where we are, what we are doing and how life has been the past 20 years. The irony? He lives where I came from, 3000 miles away.

Whatever the reason, it gave me food for thought. Once a relationship is really over, to me it is over and there is no going back. He kind of opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. Maybe I do give him another chance and see where it take us. We talked easily, without missing a beat, as if 20 years had not past. He has become a different person as I have.

I guess it is good to have that time away to grow and change. We have a foundation of the past that we can rebuild a friendship.

The moral of the story is not to close the door all the way but to leave it ajar, just in case someone that was good in your life in the past, wants to knock and come in again.