This time of year, I get nostalgic and start to watch a lot of holiday films and listen to holiday music (yes, I do) but recently, as I have been catching up on movies I have missed out on, I have been watching a lot of movies that feature families.
Rachel's Getting Married, Home for the Holidays, Nothing Like the Holidays and Tortilla Soup are some that feature different families and styles with all their drama, issues, madness, lies, secrets and other things that go hand in hand with being in a family including hate and of course, love.
After watching them, I talked to my friends about growing up in their families and how it was for them. At first, they were nice about them but as the wine poured at a dinner at one friend's place, the truths came out and I got to see that other side of them.
Some were ashamed of their families; some didn't care; others loved their families but it was a hard road getting there. I am the latter. I love my family but it took years for me to really understand the dynamics and to finally get it.
Being brought up the way I was and with the parents I had, as much as I had it easy, it was also hard. I knew some of my mom's history but not much of my dad's until he passed 5 years ago. He kept that part of him from my sisters and I so it was with shock, hurt and sadness that we knew how he grew up and why he was the way he was.
First of all, my father never laid a hand on any of his girls. He disciplined us but never spanked or hit us. After he passed, I found that he and his brothers were beaten by their alcoholic dad growing up and he left as soon as he was 18. He vowed to himself and my mom that he would never be that way. He never was. Now, mom on the other hand, didn't have a problem with spanking us. LOL! And I will tell you this... I was a handful, to say the least and I got it more times than my sisters did together. I was a rough and tumble girl and in a way, loved to push the limits and her buttons. I knew how to piss off my mom easily and did it often as a child and a teen.
Some were ashamed of their families; some didn't care; others loved their families but it was a hard road getting there. I am the latter. I love my family but it took years for me to really understand the dynamics and to finally get it.
Being brought up the way I was and with the parents I had, as much as I had it easy, it was also hard. I knew some of my mom's history but not much of my dad's until he passed 5 years ago. He kept that part of him from my sisters and I so it was with shock, hurt and sadness that we knew how he grew up and why he was the way he was.
First of all, my father never laid a hand on any of his girls. He disciplined us but never spanked or hit us. After he passed, I found that he and his brothers were beaten by their alcoholic dad growing up and he left as soon as he was 18. He vowed to himself and my mom that he would never be that way. He never was. Now, mom on the other hand, didn't have a problem with spanking us. LOL! And I will tell you this... I was a handful, to say the least and I got it more times than my sisters did together. I was a rough and tumble girl and in a way, loved to push the limits and her buttons. I knew how to piss off my mom easily and did it often as a child and a teen.
Was I proud of that? Can't say I was now as I look back but it had its purpose and my mom respects me the most because I tested life, I rebelled and I learned to lived it fully as a young kid. I had no fear and would try anything.
Caution came into place after I got divorced and realized that I alone would have to raise my daughter because her dad was a jackass (and I say this fondly as we are friends now). But I still hadn't grown up yet and sometimes, I think I haven't even now. But I am good with that part of me as I know that it makes me different than others and my friends appreciate that part of me that can still look at life in wonder, at its splendor.
Families. We are born into them. We don't have a decision on that. But we meet people in our lives that become family to us. Friends who know you as you are and accept you nonetheless. They love you for your quirks, your craziness, your stubborn nature and even with all your faults, they see your infinite good and they see your pain and are there to comfort you. I have a handful who are like that to me; they are my family and I am so honored that they are in my life. And I tell them all the time that I love them.
Families are what bonds us to the Universe because in a way, we are all brothers and sisters going through this crazy journey we call life. We need them and they need us. We get each other through every day and in the end, it doesn't matter how much money or material things they or you have, it is how much of their time and love you were given and how much you gave, that counts.
Namaste.
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