Sunday, April 25, 2010

Waking Up


So, what do you say to being asleep for almost 49 years but thinking that you are wide awake and understand most of life's situations and circumstances? Then one fateful night, you go out alone to check out a friend's band down the street in the neighborhood and one of your closest friends had been stalking you on Facebook, shows up at the pub surprising you.

Now this friend is someone whom you have deep and insightful conversations with over the years and it gets better each time you meet up because circumstances changes in both lives and things are viewed differently than before. You both seem to have the uncanny ability to make the other talk about things they don't want to and the conversation becomes more intense as it pulls more darkness and light out of each of you. You always seem to have a great time together because mentally you both like to get where the other is going.

Ok yeah, it was me and a friend. Friday night I went to a local pub, while watching the band, I get this great big bear hug from behind and think, who the hell since I have only been at this place one other time for only an hour and it was two years ago. Turn around and it my friend, Esteban.

He admitted to stalking me on Faceboook since I posted about the band.  As usual, after ordering our drinks, we got talking about what we have been up to and got into our usual routine of conversations that go deep and the band was forgotten... well, except for the moment when this young girl with cleavage "out to here" got his attention. He had to ask... fake or a good bra? I said maybe both? LMAO! Yes, we also have fun and quirky conversations, too.

I woke up the next morning with a huge hangover and some thoughts in my head about some of our conversation. This huge light bulb went off in my head and it got me thinking all day yesterday and today.

I get that some people are ok in their lives the way it is. Get up, go to work, go to the gym or some class, go home, go to sleep, hang out and drink with friends on the weekend then start the next week doing the same ole routine.

Some want the world but only talk about and do nothing to get it then live in their misery of wanting but not doing.

You have the ones that go out and truly live their dreams and are happy.

Then you have others that quietly work, wanting to just help people and live a good life with with someone special with no fan fare or fame. Take a vacation once or twice a year and be good with every moment in life.

I fall into the last group. I am not one for the limelight and will leave that to others who need it but I do want to do my share to help people, more importantly, the kids who need it. And I have to take my one or two vacations a year to get out, unwind and relax. Esteban is going to Spain... perhaps? Nah, I am going to Connecticut to hang out with friends in June so he can go to Spain in July... the running of the bulls... I tell you, I love that man, but he is muy loco en da head. But when you have faced death as he did, you tend to be more adventurous with your life and want to do more so I let him do it but naturally the nuturing instinct comes out of me and I always say "be safe!"

I had fallen deeply in love with someone a few years ago, perhaps for the first time in my life. Yes, I can admit it. To me, love should not be hidden but things didn't work out. Esteban knew all about him as I bounced things off him during that time. They are both June Geminis and are a lot alike in many ways so it helped me to get a man's perspective.

So when Esteban showed up to the pub, he had asked how I was doing since it had been a few months since I have seen him with both our schedules. I told him that as much as it still hurts, I am getting over him and moving on. I know that a part of me will always care because I thought we connected on a deep spiritual level but things were not to be. I get that.

Esteban said some things that made me think but with my vodka and tonics, it kind of numbs you so yesterday when my brain wasn't so muddled and started to settle down, I was able to do some serious thinking and it occurred to me that we wake up at different levels.

What I mean is that we are in our lives and something happens to enlightened us and we get it. We continue to live in that enlightenment until something else happens, we get that and are able to see a clearer picture of life around us. It's like a door opens wider and you see more of everything. As each situation occurs in our lives, more enlightenment happens and it becomes deeper and higher, thus the expansion of levels.

Some people will say it happens all at once but I know better now. Buddhist monks do not become enlightened all at once. They study, they pray, they read, they help, they live it then they learn and they get the lesson.

The interesting thing about it is that as you become more enlightened, you become more unattached. You can see things clearer. You understand what is going on more deeply. You can still love and be loved but you can let it go. If fate says it is supposed to be a certain way, then down the road it may well be, but I am able to not be attached to it anymore. That was an interesting concept to me and something that I thought I knew but realized I didn't understand how it felt. Now I do.

Now my questions to you are, what in your life has enlightened you to a higher level? Do you think that connecting with others can open things up for you? How does pain help you to become more open and understanding? How does love?

As always, sending you loving energy. Have a great week filled with small moments to celebrate.

Namaste

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