Happiness

Happiness.

I sent an email to the kids I have a program with, to let them know that the topic of our call would be happiness. They were to think about the word and to define what it meant to them.

When we got on the call, the questions below were asked from various kids, almost as soon as everyone was on. They didn't associate themselves with that word. Happiness came when they got something nice on their birthdays or they accidentally got a freebie from the store. 

Why happiness? How does it really feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? Is there a price to pay for happiness?

I wrote them down on the online board and had each kid ponder each question and to come up with their own answers.

When it got quiet, I said, "being happy is a choice. Yes, a choice. You choose to be happy or you choose to be miserable. Take it or leave it."

They all spoke at once and all denying those statements. I had to stop them ask why they think that.

Number one answer? "Because that is what we are not taught. We are taught that happiness comes from outside. Someone makes us happy. A thing makes us happy. We don't make ourselves happy."

I asked when was the last time they felt happy. I mean, deep down, get up in the morning with a smile and ready to take on the day, no one can change how you feel because it come from inside, happy.


Silence. I mean, absolute silence.


So, I tapped on the board and said, read these again. Why happiness? How does it feel? Where do you get it from? How do you get it? Why is it necessary? I said, you guys are 16, 17 or 18. You don't want to be on your deathbed and realize what it is and then start living, do you?

We all agreed that it is a feeling inside of us. It makes the world feel right. But I got another question of, why does it come and go then?

I asked if anyone was happy with who they are. I mean truly happy.

Again, silence. Mind you, some of these kids go to the high school that has seen a few suicides in the last couple of years so I know that there are lots of issues dealing with those deaths and perhaps more deeply, issues within the kids that are not at the surface but brewing just below.

I told them that happiness comes only from within. No one can give it to you. No one can buy it for you. No one can get it for you. Only you can find that happiness from within because of who you are. It is about having pride with yourself. Not for your status or money but for your value as a human. Your accomplishments that affect only you. Like taking care of yourself with good eating and exercise. Like being a good friend to others without expecting anything back. It's about doing things that make your soul lift you higher than you have been before.

They started to get where I was going and their thoughts came out.

So, if I do something for someone and they don't know and never will but I feel good. That is happiness?

Yes, I answered.

If I feel good about myself, then it would automatically make me happy? Like when I work out at the gym for months and finally lose the weight?

Of course, I said. It is the pride of accomplishment that you did something for yourself to be healthy. When you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside. People see a glow from you.

You can be happy even in bad circumstances. We all know kids that are not being taken care of by their parents so it can affect their psyche but again, it is a choice whether that kid will draw strength from it and be happy, regardless or to use it as a weapon to attack others in negativity. 

So, what you are saying is that when someone gives you a gift and it makes you happy, then it is not true happiness?

Not necessarily. It feels good to feel cared for and loved and when someone gives you a nice gift from their heart, it makes you feel good. It is part happiness and part love. True happiness does not have a price. You pull it out of yourself. You can share it but you cannot give it out.

Happiness is a double-edged sword. You can do so much for people but they can throw it back into your face because they don't know that feeling of true happiness. Because they don't know what it is, they tend to choose to be negative and miserable. And you know the saying... misery likes company.

The conversation was interesting so I wanted to share; perhaps see what your thoughts are that I may take it back to the kids this week on our call. Feel free to email me.

Are you truly happy? Do you choose it?

Give it some thought.

I am off to the gym as it makes me happy to do something good for me!

Ciao a tutti!