Anger

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~ Buddha

These words got me through a lot in the last year and it is with that thought that I live life, knowing it is not worth holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people. The only person that gets burned would be me so I find ways to let go and forget about it.

Going through my finals for my PhD in Psych was cathartic and it helped me to understand human nature, more intimately. I am not one to actually hold a grudge these days but in my younger days, I did have a temper. Once it flared though, it burned out fast and easy; poof, gone. What I learned in school was eye-opening about anger and grudges. Also how to express oneself constructively as not to hurt yourself or the other person, or so we hope.

What I learned was that when a person is easy to anger, hold grudges or ignore people when they are wrong, their true nature is immaturity. They haven't grown up enough to face the truth so they lash out at those who may put a mirror up. It shows their lack of strength to grow from experiences. They can dish it out but they cannot take it and they will show you anger faster than a bullet coming towards you.

One of our projects was to write down all the times we can recall doing exactly all those. Going through that process was a hard thing; I wrote things from my younger years more than my recent past but they all still had the power to make me cringe when I thought about them.

That project made me think about who I am and how I reflect towards others. How I react and how responsible I am for my actions. Ultimately, what happened was that I opened my eyes and saw a situation that I was being blind to. I had to act on it, step away from it and let it go. But I had to clean up my mess and apologize for my part in it. You know, being the mature, responsible person, no matter how much it hurt.

I was pulled into a friendship with someone who is an attention whore (my professor's lingo), needing approval all the time, needing to be right all the time, and worse of all, she was loud, crude and obnoxious.

I thought I saw something in her that showed her true self but in the end, I was wrong. I admit it. I was wrong about what I saw. She is exactly as everyone warned me she was but she was a great actress and was damn good at wearing the mask of "spirituality" and "goodness" to cover it. She says a lot of good things but the truth is that she doesn't live it; at all. It took me 3 years but I finally saw through to her; her true self was that immature, self-loathing, hurtful person I came to know. It did hurt but it made me angry, too; angrier than I have ever been in a very long time. I gave her a lot of my time, emotion, trust and friendship. I never said anything to her. There was no need as she will do and say what she wants.

That is when I had to step back and take a hard look at my part in it. My actions were not inline with how I want people to see me, so I had to apologize for covering for her. Her ex-husband, who happened to be a friend of mine for almost 20 years, her sister and her sister's sister-in-law. It was one of the hardest thing to do but I did it. I had to face the responsibility for what I did.

It is said that imitation is the best form of flattery. I realize in hind sight, that I am who I am and I have something that other women wished they did and that is why they copy me. I am not being arrogant, just honest. I am not sorry that I exude a certain sexuality and passion that attracts men. It is what it is. I can accept it as part of me and I realize it makes me special; my gift, if you will. I have come to love that about myself.

Women trying to be like me used to irk me but now it makes me smile or even giggle. It is just sad to see very poor imitations of me. What makes me who I am comes from the inside and no one can replicate or imitate it. My essence is mine. My message to them is to learn to find their own style that goes along with their inside. Trying to be someone else never works and people see through it quickly.

So, having gotten over all the anger in my life, it feels good to live a clean, healthy and much more spiritual life without external distractions messing me up on the inside. I have fun meeting people and enjoy my time with them.

If you have been holding onto anger, holding a grudge or ignoring people, think about why? Is it worth it? Who wins in the end? Not you, that is for sure.

Let it go and let the stress of the anger go as well. I promise, you will feel so much better about any situation as well as about yourself. It will also promote a longer life. Did you know that happy people live a happier, longer life? Well, they do!