A few years ago, a nurse friend of mine sent me this story that I really love and always cherished because it is the kind of love we all attain to.
An elderly gentleman was at the doctor's office for an appointment but seemed to be in a rush, wanting to leave to go visit his wife who had Alzheimer's.
The nurse, being overworked was losing patience with him with his constant questioning of when the doctor will be in, ask him what the rush was. He replied that he likes to be the one to feed his wife dessert because she is happy then. She says without thinking, what would matter if it is you or a nurse since she won't know you? He smiles this deep, secret smile, glances at the nurse and pats her hand as he speaks.
"She may not remember me but I remember her and how much she gave to me throughout our marriage. This is something small that I can return to her to show her how much I love her and appreciates her. She is my sweetheart and I would be lost without her."
The nurse had to turn away because she had tears in her eyes. She tells the gentleman that she will see what is keeping the doctor and will rush him so that he can go to the home to be with his wife.
Turns out that the story was something that happen to my friend's friend and she had to forward it to us as it was a reminder that no matter if one forgets, the other always remembers when it comes to true love. My parents had that kind of love and I am often envious that my mother knows how it feels to have that.
I am at a wake yesterday with my mom. Hide (pronounced hee-day) was one of the oldest family friend that I recall. She and her family came into my life when I was about 2 years old. Her husband and my dad were both in the Navy and were buddies, so it was easy for my mom and her to become friends, both being Japanese in a foreign land. Hide and Martin were a little older than my parent; she would have been 85 while Martin will be 80, both their birthdays in October. They have two kids and I see them as extended siblings. Anna is 5 years older than I and Martin, Jr is 3 years older.
Anna, Jr and I got to go down Memory Lane yesterday at the wake and with the laughter, there were also lots of tears. It hasn't hit them yet but I am sure it will when they will bury Hide this Thursday in a private ceremony.
About 6 years ago, we all started to notice that she could not remember things or would repeat stuff she just said. My dad was worried and told them so they went in and got the diagnosis. Hide had Alzheimer's and would start to forget things and people, they were told. To compound the issue, they found that she had a heart problem as well. A year after that, my dad passed and she was still able to remember him and was there to bid him fairwell.
Life seem to go on normally the first couple years for her but there were moments when Martin would be doing dishes, look to the couch and not see her, would go looking to find her in the middle of the street wandering around.
He is a second degree black belt in Aikido, has been in the art for almost 50 years and still teaches. He had to actually get a "sitter" for the days he taught classes and the person he hired would lose her while doing chores for them and would find her in the middle of the street as Martin did, so for her safety, they made that choice to put her in a home. It was a hard one for him because they were still in love with one another but it was to the point that it was dangerous for her so to protect her, he did what he had to do.
He lives down the street from me so there were times I would go over to check on him and visit, he would be near tears, missing her terribly and I always thought, this is the kind of love I want. To be missed that much when I wasn't around. He was always smiling when he was with her and it was refreshing to see them together.
My parents and they used to do a lot of lunches and dinners together until my dad passed. Since we knew of Hide's disease, it became less often that they could go out and when they did, I would fill in for my dad and hang with my mom and them. It was nice for me as it created more memories to hold.
Yesterday was her wake even though she had passed almost two weeks ago. We are sitting with a group of us talking, when Martin joins us. My mom tells him how lucky Hide was to have him and how much she admires him for taking such good care of Hide all these years.
With tears rolling down his face, he shakes his head and said, "No, Ritsu, I was the lucky one. Of all the people in this world, she picked me. She picked me to be her husband, her best friend and the father of our crazy, wonderful kids. I love her and I always will. Even in the end when she didn't know me because of her disease, I still knew in the beginning, it was always me. She picked me."
Hearing that, we all were diving for the box of tissue and I admired how easily he said those words. How he knew that not everyone had that chance of true love and that he had gotten it. He appreciated it and savored it.
They would have been married 56 years this year and he said, now she just has to wait for him to join so they can continue their journey of love. Now that is true love.
You are with Buddha now, Hide. Be in peace and without pain.
Nammyohorengekkyo.
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