LOVE - Give It A Chance

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.

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I have been seeing those words a lot lately and thought how it made sense. Love is probably the most sought after emotion because of how it makes you feel inside when you have love.

Family love is easy most of the time, because you are born into that family, but true love, on the other hand, is hard work to keep it going. Most people don't get that; thus the high rate of divorce. We all grow up with the fairy tale stories and believe it will just happen.

“They lived happily ever after.” No one told you that your Mr. Perfect is a grouch in the morning, snores, hogs the blankets or worse, the whole bed so that you are at the very edge, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in all night.  Or that he is always broke and borrowing money he will never repay. They never told you that your Miss Perfect can become a raving bitch because she is on her period or goes into a jealous rage because you glanced at a pretty girl. Or that she will gain weight and not be as thin or as pretty as she used to be.

Connecting with someone instantly is rare but it happens. There is the chemistry that attracts you to one another and you find that you have a lot of similar ideals and values that get it started.

Relationships take time to build. The quirks, personality differences, hobbies, friends, each other’s families; all of it is stirred into the pot. But with commitment to hard work, open communication, loyalty, love, trust and definitely a sense of humor will eventually build that relationship into an amazing and lasting one.

I saw it first hand with my parents who were married for just a litle over 45 years. It took 20 years to get to the amazing part but the last 25 years of their marriage until my dad’s passed, they were inseparable and you could see how much they loved one another as well as loved being in each other's company. I was too busy to see it then but I see it clearly now that he is gone and how much my mom misses him. I think that is what we are all looking for. Someone to grow old with, share dreams, do silly things with, hang out with, talk with and enjoy every day with them until it is our turn to join my dad, in the golf course in the sky.

What you get out of a relationship is just as good as what you both put into it. I have been divorced for over 20 years and in hind sight, I know that I didn’t work on my relationship as I should have but I was young and my expectation was that it was supposed to be easy. Where the hell did it go? Who was this guy in front of me and what gives him the right to yell at me? So you quit and go looking for the next Prince Charming and keep looking until you finally get it. There is no Prince Charming or Cinderella. We are human with emotions, faults and insecurities. We think love is easy but it is not. It is hard work but in the long run, it is so worth it.

Going back to the words above… When people choose not to work at a relationship, it is a choice they make and ultimately, the relationship does falls apart, regardless if the other partner still loves them. I know that very well, as I speak from experience. You can love someone with all your heart but if they decide they don't love you anymore, nothing can change that. My advice? Don't even try to make them change their mind. Just let them go. It's easier on the heart, in the long run and someone else is out there waiting for you to look their way and give them a chance. And why not; what do you have to lose? Nothing! In turn, you have more love to gain from it, right?

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter. ~ James Earl Jones

Instead of keeping those words inside your heart, tell that someone how you feel because you may never get another chance. I did say to him, I love you and even though he did not love me, I was able to give him something no one else can. A part of me. I told him how I felt and I have no regrets telling him I loved him. It just means the next time love comes into my life, it will be even more amazing than the last time. Take a chance on love and it might surprise you. As I near 50 (next year!), I know now that all experiences are lessons. My lesson was to know that I could love someone unconditionally.

I mean, isn’t that what life is all about in the end? How much did you love? How much love did you give? How much love did you get?

Since I don’t want to leave you on a down note, I leave you with these words…

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

I hope that each and every one of you, find that someone special as I know one day, that someone will find me.

Happy Valentine's Day.  I wish you all love.