Thank you, Captain!

The World is Coming to an End...

Post by Prince Ea.

Life... What the Fuck Does it All Mean?

A little hostility? Yeah, I guess.

My daughter-in-law, Rose, lost her brother last week. She is hurting and at a loss. I feel helpless because I cannot take away her pain and I am sad that she is going through this.

I lost a friend yesterday. She silently slipped away while she slept. Shock cannot even come close to what I felt at the news. I am just sad, not just for me but her friends and her family.

She wasn't a close friend but she did something for me almost 30 years ago that I have always kept in my heart. She made me feel very welcomed to a new place, new job. She introduced me to so many people and showed me around the place, my head was spinning but it was so much fun. She was a few years younger than me and enjoyed life her way, no excuses even if it might not be agreed upon by others, especially her family. Back then, she was very young, vivacious, risk-taking, fun-loving gal who was so alive with life. I was in my mid 20's, married and a young mom, still learning the ropes. I admired her guts, her flair, her open mind and heart whereas I was cautious, quiet and introvertive. We hung out for a bit until she graduated from high school and I started to make friends my age but we also never lost touch; we would see one another, from time to time and catch up.

Several years after working, Brooke had quit by this time, I met up with a couple that just started to work for BGP. By invitation, I went to their home for a summer BBQ and lo and behold, Brooke was there. The woman was Brooke's mom. Talk about small world. Carol and Ron have since become very dear friends of mine and as much sadness I felt at Brooke's passing, I cannot imagine the pain that Carol and Ron are going through. Carol had already laid her youngest daughter, Courtney, to rest around Thanksgiving of 2002, leaving two young sons in Carol and Ron's care.

What made me write this was what Carol posted on her page. "Wondering why? Trying to understand."

Why does a young, healthy woman pass away in her sleep? Why does she not get the chance to see her boys fall in love, get married, have children and see them become the men she wishes for them to be?

Why does a man have to leave his wife, son, friends and family without any reason?

Why cannot these fucking questions be answered?

There never will be satisfactory answers because it won't bring those people back like we want. We have to do what we always do. Just accept that it is what it is and move on. It sounds so callous, doesn't it but isn't that what we all have done with our losses? The human race knows that death is part of life but we tend to forget that while we are in the living. It's when it happens close to home that we are cruelly reminded.

With the 9th anniversary of my father's death coming in 3 days, it is making my feelings more vivid for me right now, so am feeling the sadness more intensely. The 'if onlys' still come into my head but I have to remind myself it doesn't change the outcome.

I think the best way to honor someone you lose is to live your life fully and wholly so they can live vicariously through you from wherever they ended up.

God speed.

Life is Precious!

There are moments in life that really open your eyes. It touches your heart and makes you realize how blessed we all are and how precious life really is.

Yesterday was one of those days. My daughter's friend lost his mother. She left on her own accord. Life was done for her but she left this place in chaos for those who were left behind. It has been on my mind all day.

How does a mother do that? I could never leave my daughter that way. It would be unfair to her.

Then another friend decided he was done and tried to take his life. Fortunately, he failed and in the weeks since, he has seen his way back and realized what he could have missed in his life had it been successful.

We take our bad times to heart so strongly that we forget to reach out for help. That is what family and friends are for. No one has to do it alone. Even if you want to, there is no shame in asking for help, from time to time. That's what makes the bonds stronger.

It made me think of all that I have and where I am. Sure, I made a mistake in moving to CT but it was inside of me to really see if it was as good as it was when I lived here before. It taught me, yet again, that we can't go back to the past and recapture what was then.

Life is about living in each moment and moving forward. I have been so incredibly lucky to have all that I have. And to have met the people I met.

Count your blessings every day. Don't let the bad things living in your head play with your life. Change your thought and it changes your world.

How can I be so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life? Honestly... My cup runneth over.

Serendipity

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe that there is someone out there, just for you? Sometimes, without realizing it, we bump into someone and meet the most amazing person.

It happened to me recently. We were so in tuned with one another and we could feel the chemistry but it really was a foreign feeling to me.

I am not putting any expectations on this but it was pretty cool to say I had this experience.

We'll see what happens.

Climbing Mt. Happiness

It's a slow trek up that prestigious mountain. Many of us slide down and have to begin again.

Pebbles of doubt trip us up.

Rocks of obstacles tumble across our paths.

Boulders of fear block our way.

So how do we get up that mountain?

Carefully and slowly. And we have to each do it alone. No one can find that peak of happiness for you but yourself. Don't worry. We have the tools.

Steady shoes of positivity keeps us from tripping up. Keep walking.

Jackets and hats of courage help us avoid the obstacles. Protect yourself.

Our staff of love crushes the boulders that stop us. Use it as much as you need or want.

What do we get when we get to the peak? We feel that pure exhilaration of satisfaction fill us. We conquered something amazing.

A job well done... but it's not over. And you thought this was the hard part. Nope, that was the easy part. The hard part is keeping the Peak of Mt. Happiness within you.

It is a constant battle we fight within ourselves.

Some times, people can affect us even when we think we are in control.

We experience grief in our lives and some get stuck there.

Keeping the peak of happiness will be a struggle but you have to remember that moment of joy and how it felt. Doesn't that make you want to always feel that way?

When you realize that others are affecting you, honestly, you just need to take a step back and turn them off. Easy? No, but you are the most important person to you, so in order to stay happy, you have to do it for yourself.

Grief is a bit harder and it depends on the circumstance.

I will say this. Go through the grief. You need to know it in order to know true happiness. But don't stay stuck in it. There is nothing you can do to change the course of the situation so feel it however you need to, then let it go.

Your mind, body and soul will appreciate it.

Next time you slide a little bit down Mt. Happiness, remember... you are worth the happiness and more importantly, you deserve it.

Get back up and start the climb again.

Rainy Days...

Oh, how I love rainy days!

It's probably my favorite kind of weather and brings to mind so many wonderful memories from my childhood that I've brought into my adulthood.

The scent of the first drops as it hits the ground, permeates into the air and reminds you that a good washing is on its way.

Sitting by the window, watching the drops hit the glass, then slide down, tracing its path with my finger.

My sisters and I, so long ago, squishing our faces against the glass, thinking that the rain could wash our faces and seeing our breaths on the window, then writing funny things on the window.

Sitting on the couch with my daughter when she as a teen, a warm fire crackling in the fireplace, whilst sipping hot cocoa, listening to the tip tap of the rain on the roof. quietly talking about our day and enjoying the quiet moments in between. Its melodious tune soothing after a rough day at school for her, work for me and swim practice for both of us.

Getting caught in the rain with my boyfriend, standing close, feeling each other's body heat, watching the thunderstorm move towards us from under a thin canopy of a closed restaurant by the ocean. Slowly our hands entangle as we turn to kiss, feeling the rain wash over us on a muggy, warm July evening.

I love sitting by the window, glass of wine in hand, writing in my notebook or typing out a blog on my laptop while traffic on the street below moves by, glancing up from time to time, to see the windshield wipers dancing in unison on the cars passing. The rain becomes my muse. It evokes the words to flow, like water in the river.

What are you thoughts on a rainy afternoons? Do you enjoy it?

With warm thoughts of you all on this wonderful wet evening, take a moment to sit and listen quietly as the drops splish splash against the window and remember the times of wonder we all had as a child.

Namaste!

Happy Bunny Day!

Since I am on a pagan path, I don't celebrate Easter as known by the Catholic Church. But I enjoy life and making people laugh so here is to all the great people in my life.

Celebrate every day as if it is special.

Remember... some bunny loves you somewhere!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

The Voice Always Gives it Away

Heard the voice and knew it well... hell, I knew it intimately for almost three years.

After a lapse in time after those years, we reconnected but it wasn't the same. What I felt for him was... not sure how to explain it. I felt like an outsider looking in. Was this the man I fell head over heels for all those years ago? No, it couldn't be.

Wait! It is but whoa, it's gone. That intense love I felt for him. Then it made me wonder, did I ever really love him or was it that "what you can't have you want"? He had charisma and charm and knew how to turn it on full throttle but he never really meant what he said. Even his mother warned me several times. "My dear, he means well. He feels that way in the moment but when the moment is gone, so is how he feels." I didn't believe her at the time.

Now I understand what she meant. I had finally grown up. And I had just turned 50. Who knew!

And we had more lapse in time of about a year and a half. Sure, we are friends on a social media site but I think we read each other's page a handful of times. Maybe commented even less. I knew subconsciously that he was there but it wasn't important to see what he was up to anymore. I saw him as he was those years ago. Stringing many women along while confessing his love for one woman for all his life.

Looking back, the irony is not lost on me. He never bothered to really know me all those years ago. He just liked my words. If you were to ask him something about me, he would not be able to answer you correctly, whereas I could probably tell you his whole life story. I was someone he could turn to when he was bored. I just never got that until there was separation and lots of time.

We reconnected again recently. Strange. It was so different.

His voice. That is what caught my attention. It was different this time. There was a spark that was never there before. A lightness that made him sound alive. I felt proud of him for finding that within himself.

I had an epiphany today while driving to work as the sun rose. In the first three years that we talked every day, he may have laughed 4 or 5 times but it always sounded forced and weak. 4 or 5 times in the three years that I was getting to know him. It was as if life was not fun for him. He was just going through the motions until death took him. You could hear it in his voice then.

While talking to him the last couple of days, he laughed as a young man does. As someone who really sees his life as meaningful. Fun. Filled with miracles. Amazing experiences. Reaching out for his dream. I mean, he really laughed from his gut and I had never heard that from him before. And he laughed often. In those couple days, he laughed more than he did the first 3 years I knew him.

It warmed my heart.

For the first time, I felt that he would be recognized as someone really special and good things will happen for him.

Some times, we just need time to start over again. If you have a foundation that is a little cracked, it can be easy to fill in those cracks with humor, positive attitudes, kind words and a little compassion. The outcome, if it continues, is a more meaningful friendship. I think it could rebuild what was starting to crumble.

To all friendships, near and far... namaste!

Thoughts

I have come to this day with a different outlook than the day when I started this blog.

Back then, I was negative, hurt, lost and not sure where to go but wanted a place to voice my thoughts and see if there were others that think as I did.

Today, I'm a different person. I see that I am positive, healing, on the right path and seeing the potential of what could be, what I am and where I could go. Honestly, the possibilities are endless.

Funny how a few years and many different experiences, good and bad, can change your attitude and behavior.

These days I am seeing the same people in a different light but instead of being angry or hurt with them, I see them with humor.

There were a few that were "out to get" me and I was out to get them back but now I have to chuckle and let it go. Yeah, I finally made it out of high school. Hahaha! Gotta have those that forever stay there and have that mentality, right?

I realize that how I see them now makes me think of how we all see one another. This one woman could not get him to stay in their intimate relationship because she wanted marriage and he is against it. He wouldn't talk to me while he was with her but when they break up, he come back to my friendship. She would call me hurtful names without knowing me or my personality and boast that she knew him better.

In the end, it isn't that we know someone better but that we know them differently because our relationships are based on different levels.

If I based my friendship with her way of seeing things then, he told me his secrets, slipped and told me hers as well, so wouldn't that mean I know him better because he was so open to tell me her stuff, too?

But that is not how it works and we have to learn that. We all have relationships with the same people but in different ways because we are all different from one another. You, me, her, him and yes, even that guy over at the end of the bar, twiddling his straw.

Don't take this as gospel because it is just my opinion but it helps me to see people in a different light now and change how I react to them.

Thanks for reading. Bright blessings.

Love

Love...

Such a simple word yet it carries so much power.

People seek it. They sing about it. They want it. They lie for it. They steal for it. They kill for it. They live for it. And so many die for it.

But what IS love?

I have been giving it a lot of thought the last few years, through my experiences up to now at 52 years young; watching people around me and talking to friends about their view on love. I decided it was finally time to put it all down on "paper."

So many claim to be the love expert but that cracks me up. I watch a few of them that make that claim and they way they live their lives, makes you realize that they are trying to convince themselves they know what love is, when in reality, they don't so they try to seek it by saying they are the experts. I don't think anyone can be so arrogant to claim to be a love expert... well, except maybe Cupid. LOL!

I think we all see love in our own way. How we grew up and where we grew up plays a huge part. I believe that most of us don't even really know what it is so when it does cross our paths, we tend to miss it.

But I am finding that as I get older, what we think of as love, we are all wrong.

Love is quite simple. It is pure. It's giving and forgiving. It's that small spark that lights us up and warms our heart.

We humans! We complicate it. We make drama out of it. And in the end, we lose it. All this becomes entertainment fodder for the Gods and Goddesses.

One thing I have learned is that if you put any expectations and stipulations on love, it does pass you by. Stop writing those pros and cons list. Love is not about that. If someone says they don't want a long term commitment or they don't want to get married, then right there they have put stipulations and like Love's sister, Karma, Romantic Love says, "Ok, good luck. See ya!" People says they have a fear of commitment. No, that's wrong. What they fear is love. As I said, if you put stipulations on it, it doesn't show itself so these people who fear it, never really know what love is because they are too busy running from it.

Family Love and Friend Love is like Romantic Love. It has to be nurtured. There is no "how to" book on how to be a parent, a sibling, a child or a friend. We take it each day and learn to grow with these people around us and learn to love them. And more importantly, we learned to be loved back.

Of course, there are families that are not loving but I think it is because that is what they learned and they repeat that vicious cycle over and over with each new generation until one of them finally draws the line, steps back and tell themselves they are worthy of love and makes the change for his or her life and future family.

If you really want to know what love is, open yourself to it. Crush down those walls around you. Let go of all the things you saw or heard as a child. That was not your life but someone else's. Let love come inside. Let love live inside. Believe in it. Have faith. Have hope. You never know, you just might get what you always been searching for.

Take a moment, sit in our quiet and let's introduce ourselves to Love.

Bright blessings to you and wishing you all... yes... love.

2014 Has Begun...

So weird to write 2014.

Where does the time go? It is true when they say time waits for no man (or woman).

I took the chance tonight to go through and clean out my blog of the old negative stuff because it does not have value to me and that is not what I want to put out into the world. I want to continue to put out positive, good vibes. My small part to the Universe for being so negative for so long.

Yes, I finally get it!

So as we start this new year, with Winter Storm Bethany/Hercules (depending on who you ask) I wish you many wonderful adventures, much laughter and unconditional love.

Keep hope alive that this year will be just as good or better than last year!

Love and Light!